Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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its so weird because i am completely exhausted right now. i went to take a nap, while Vito was in the lounge doing work, then he came in and wanted to join me in bed, so we fooled around,a nd then he went home. And now i am just so tired. Maybe cause i cried today? that seems to do the trick. hehe. I am so happy he came over though. I know he didnt really want to, but i really wanted him to, and he knew that, so he came. And that is just so wonderful to me. I felt bad, but i realized that i shouldnt feel bad, cause it meant a lot to me and i appreciated him coming.

I'm starting to get that feeling again. i was so good for a while. Well good enough considering how i used to feel. But i am getting that heavy hurting feeling inside of me. And my urge to cut is getting worse and worse. I guess the medication is whats helping me not atually do it, but i can just feel it getting harder like every hour. And i should be fine. Everything should be good because everything is finally working out. i have a place to stay over the summer so i dont have to stay at home, i'm doing pretty ok in my 2 classes, i have vito, i have all i need, and yet i am getting more depressed with each passing day and i just want it to stop. I need it to stop and i'm so ready to do whatever to make it go away. I just really need it to go away right now because i want this to be perfect. everything is so good, i just need it to be happy.

i have been thinking a lot about my childhood. like things i used to do when i was younger and how much i have forgotten. I wish i could remember it all and see where stuff went wrong. and even remember the good stuff so not everything seems so bad. i dont know. this is just me rambling about stupid stuff in my brain.

all my best friends are hanging out in the lounge talking and having fun...and i just wanna be alone and sleep, and shut the world out. and watch superman lol =p

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