Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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*things i'll never say*

So i am thinkign, do i wanna make it better or do i just leave it, give up.ive been depressed now for days and i just know its not going away. i can feel it. the numbness and the pain, and everything that hurts eating away inside of me. this is a familiarity. almost conforting...its sad. I havent taken my meds in ages...that could be it. or maybe it just doesnt matter. maybe its bound to attack me ever few months no matter what i do. erica said (and in no way is this an attack, i was just putting a lot of thought into what you said hun) how could i be depressed if i have so much going for me? but really..what do i have going for me? i have depression, which in of itself is the worst thing to have. you cant get things done, you just hate everything and everyone, and you have no hope left. so what do you do without hope? i want to cut myself so bad that its all i can think about, my boyfriend is glad we have an open relationship cause then he can meet someone that will be more compatible with him then me, i am in a city that i hate and dont want to be in, i cant get a job and i will soon have NO money to live off of, i'm fat and ugly, and my family is falling apart. so what do i have going for me? what???

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