Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.
brandinsbabe

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No, you don't understand...

How have I been lately...thats a hard question to answer. I have been so up and down that i just cane even decide anymore. Its just the feeking in my gut of total darkness thats always there, even when i am smiling. Thats how i know its the depression...

I guess whats been bothering me the most is the fact that everyone is going back to school and i'm not. I was just starting to love Buffalo more than anything, and then i left, and i may never go back. And thats just too much for me to bare.i feel like a complete total loser/failure.

Vito has been great lately. SUper sensitive and very caring. He swears hes not being any different then usual but i can see a big difference since the other night. i guess me having a breakdown kinda either scared him or made him realize that he doesnt want to deal with me like that.

I got a book yesterday called Bodily Harm. Its supposed to help with self-injury. i want to try and stop. It hurts Vito so bad. The thing is, i dont know if i really want to stop for me...and thats whats most important. Right now cutting and burning is very importnat to me and helps me get through things. The other day when he left without me, i held a safety pin to the fire and then pressed it against my skin i forgot how exhilerating that felt...
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