I just realized how depressed i have been these past few months. how little i write about all of it cause its just too painful. my wounds are healing, but do i still want to die??
things are better. my parents are giving me money so we can work those things out. maybe things wont be so bad now. maybe it will work out and he wont tell me that he is falling out of love with me. and all i feel like is me falling more in love with him. but tonight was good. we finally did it. he doesnt want to be too intimate, but sex is fine. that, i can deal with.
i went to my parents house for my sisters birthday. she was busy with school essays and talking to her online friends, but it was good to see them all. we had chinese food which i surprisingly enjoyed, and we watched a few tv shows like american dream, which i liked alot. Then i talked to my parents about the financial issue, which was so hard and depressing. i wish they knew that i cried over it everynight. that i cry until i cant cry anymore and i just fall asleep. i wish somehow they knew. but my dad aagreed to lend me money if i got a job. its a wonderful amount but not nearly enough to cover everything for now. atleast maybe vito wont have to go back. SO anyway, then my sister opened presents...she got some star wars things. they were pretty cool. i told her shed get my present in a couple days. she saw it online and she really liked it. that was cool. and then we had cake. after that i kinda just walked around. it wasnt so bad. i dreaded going but in the end it was nice. i feel bad never going there, but i just never want to. plus i feellike i have to stay there for so long, and i just want to be here with vito...who just wants to be alone. lol, this is my life.
so i came back home and we talked a little and worked a few things out. i got him fruity pebbles so he was happy. now he is trying to stay up till 8am so he wont feel depressed for sleeping too much. i wish there was something i could do to help him. i love him so much.
now i am off to eat blue jello. i hope today doesnt suck. it usually does. please let it not. just this once.