Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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with love we can survive

Today had to be the saddest day in my entire life. I think wednesday i was just in too much denial too feel all this pain, and it just hit me real hard today(thursday). I was just too overwhelmed with all the stuff i was hearing a seeing. My school had a memorial with singing and music, which was absolutely beautiful, but i became so depressed after that. I really wanted to go back to my therapist, but i want to be strong. I know after today that i need to go back cause i cant do this by myself. For the first time since this summer i really felt the need to cut myself. I dont want to go back to that. I can't. I just lay in my bed all day after my classes..which i went to believe it or not... and i cried. I cried like i have never cried before. i just let it all out.

then later on there was a candle light vigil outside. I wasnt gonna go cause i didnt want to put myself through all that pain again, but i went, and i am so glad i did. we sang and we talked about how we felt. And i finally felt like i could sort out some of these crazy emotions because these other people were feeling the exact same thing. I felt somewhat of a closure ina ll this. of course it is far from closure, but i am doing this one day at a time. who know, maybe tomorrow will be great and saturday i'll just break down again.
I dont know how I am gonna handle the Flickerstick concert. I know i will cry. They postponed fall fest with 3 doors down which was supposed to be tomorrow. at first i was happy but now i see how much i would have needed it, just to take my mind off of all this for a few hours. Hopefully Flickerstick will do that...

Don't you get it we're alive,Comepletely out of sight,We're running out of time.With love we will survive.
-Lift -With Love We Will Survive by Flickerstick

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