Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.
brandinsbabe

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happy columbus day!

this morning i got the worst panick attack in the history of man. i really thought i was going to have to go to the emergency room. I was dizzy, and i felt like throwing up, and my heart felt like it was going to explode, and i just couldnt breath. i was weak all over and i felt like i was going to pass out. the stomach ache i had was unbelievable. i literally felt like i was going to die and i was wishing that it was sooner rather than later. This social anxiety thing is really getting in the way. i realized today how debilitating it is and that i need medication for it right away or i cant get on with my life. it is rediculous how much is prevents me from doing things that people do in their everyday lives. so i started crying hysterically and vito came over and just huged me and held me. and it felt so good. i needed to let it out and cry it out, and just have him there to listen to me. he stayed with me in my bed for a long time comforting me and cuddling with me until i calmed down. We fooled around for a little while which was really nice and helped me settle my nerves a bit. then we went out to rent a movie.

The weather was absolutely beautiful today. it was like one of those cold brisk days where the sun is pouring through the clouds. It reminded me of those days when we would go to my grandmas house on Thanksgiving Day. I totally cant wait for that. i cant wait to spend the holidays with Vito. i am looking forward to that more than anything. The weather made me feel so much better. So we got some movies and candy, and a hamburger cause i insisted :) and some fruit, and then we came home. Vito got on the internet for a while, looking up social anxiety disorders and such, and then we went to sleep. i had one hour of sleep last night so i really needed it. now i am up and feeling a bit shaky. tomorrow i have an appointment with my new psychiatrist. hopefully i can get some meds for this and new meds for my depression. i am such a mess. i need to fix this so i can move forward with my life.
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