Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.
brandinsbabe

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why even try?

i cut myself the other day. i was going so crazy i thought i was gonna lose my mind. i tried holding back for as long as i could but i just couldnt take it anymore. its like i wasnt even myself. i was someone else and i was looking down at myself. and when i cut its like i pulled myself back into this body. this dead useless body...

i went to therapy yesterday and it was very frustrating. Vito came but he didnt want to which kinda hurt cause he knows that i need him there to feel more comfortable. we talked about a lot of things yesterday. bad things that happened to me that i just started to remember. its like i pushed them out of my mind cause it just hurt to much.

then we came home and watched Buffy which was really awsome but sad. i started to cry. i am such a dork.

i cant wait to start stuff for halloween. i want to do all kinds of stuff and make it look really festive in here. i am gonna make candy apples and fun stuff. and bowls of candy, and i wanna make a gingerbread haunted house with my sister!! thats all i am looking forward to right now. but sometimes i think...is that really worth living for?

what do you do when you want someone to kiss you and they just wont. they just dont want to. its like they tell you they love you but they cant show you. i wish he would just rub my back when i am laying there. and want to actually lay with me longer then 2 minutes. literally 2 minutes. and i feel alone for the rest of the day. and hten he tells me he cant be with the same person for too long of a time. so when is it my time to go? when will he not want to be with me anymore? :(
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