Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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so i didnt go to therapy today. i just couldnt. it was with my parents and we were going to talk about finacial stuff. but i had such an intense panick attack last night that i knew i just couldnt go. i was aching so bad that i thought i was going to die...i wanted to die cause it just hurt so bad. i knew that if i didnt go lay with vito that second, i would cut myself so bad. those are the only two things that calm me down...

so he went without me. i hope it works out well. maybe then we wont have to worry about financial stuff. then we could just concentrate on getting ourselves better. maybe i could get disability for not being able to function...

i had a dream about school the other night. i went back to start a new semester. i was still on the 7th floor at richmond. i went to visit andrea, and josh came in and we started kissing. i think they were still going out but nobody cared. and then mary came in and apologized to me and said she knew it wasnt my fault, she knew i was having problems, and she invited me to go out with her the next day. it was so weird. sometimes i wonder if my life would be better if i just stayed there. but who knows right? no point in worrying about the past. besides, here i have vito and thats all i need...i just wish i could stop crying.

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