i tried to calm down. vito came over a little but then he left cause he couldnt handle it or something. i tried to go to my bed but i couldnt even stand up. eventually i made my way over, still hysterical. i just wanted vito to come over and be with me, hold me, help me or something. i needed to calm down so bad. but he was just getting annoyed or something and he said he was gonna call the hospital. so i was freaking out cause i didnt want to go to a hospital. i begged him not to so instead he called my parents and told them to come over and get me cause i might have to go to a hospital. i was so angry and felt betrayed. i didnt want to see anyone but him. especially not my family. i was begging him to call them back and tell them not to come. i knew if he just payed attention to me for a few seconds even, i would be ok. but he kept ignoring me and just turning away, refusing to listen to what i had to say. i felt totally defeated, like i had no one in the whole world.
so i probably should have gone to the hospital, but i just cant bring myself to do that...it scares the shit out of me. so today we went to my psychiatrist. he FINALLY prescribed me for some meds to help with my social anxiety. he says its like vallium, which i dunno about, but i know people with my kind of anxiety take it and it helps them. its a really strong drug though. i guess i need it. i guess i always knew it was that bad.
then i get home and i realize that i dont have my glasses. fucking world. i knew i shouldnt have gone out today.