Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

  • Mood:

read into my soul

so where have i been...all over the hardly seems to matter here.too much *important* things going on. I have been feeling so up and down the past few days. i wanted to write an entry the other day but i just couldnt get it out. not even on paper. and thats a new one for me. i think i havent been this depressed in a while. or going crazy even. i just want to get out of here. get out of the city, get out of my life, get out of myself. whatever that means.

i went out yesterday, all by myself. this is huge. i know a lot of you are like, wow, big deal. but it really is. you have no idea what its like to not be able to go out of your house alone. knowing that people are looking at you, judging you, hating you. seeing how weird and out of place you are. but i did it. go me. and then i smoked up with cristina and we went to see a concert at LAG with shannon. that was fun. then i came home and uh...felt like shit.

today was ok. we woke up late and ran to old navy and h&m to see if we could get a suit for vito. we got some nice stuff, but no suit jacket, so we had to go to my parents house so vito could borrow my dads. i watched queer as folk there which was cool. my dad didnt say much. he asked me if i minded girls together as much as he didnt like to see two guys together. i told him it didnt bother me. i felt like such a sell out. i should have been like "dad, i like to see that. i love two women together. i fuck women." oh well. then we came home and i got a letter that this poem i entered in this contest made it to the semi-finals!!! i couldnt believe it. so then vito and i went through a few of my other poems. it was beautiful that he wanted to understand it all. he went through all the lines with me like he wanted to know my soul, and understand me better. but i had a major freak out panick attack, and now i am here. ladida.


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