September 21st, 2001

Felix- to the left

Strange days, stupid nights...

And i thought my DAY wasa bad! so its like 3:20am and my roomate has been asleep for hours. My friend just called. shes kinda drunk but cute. lol i miss her so much. i wish we were still roomates. so anyways, now i know Mary will be mad tomorrow.
So tonight was really weird. We made smoothies and Jim came along too. maybe it was weird cause of him? I dunno, but Josh was different. he was like...not Josh. People start getting comfortable and then things change. They start acting not how they originally did. Or maybe it was just tonight. I was really off center tonight. I think it started yesterday, and then today was just bad and it threw off the whole night.
I think this bipolarness is getting out of hand. Now I just cant be happy anymore. It all faded away. I think of what made me ahppy a few days ago and its just not there. I mean, i am "happy" but not...i cant explain.
All i know is i have a stronge urge to cut. I havnt had that urge in a few months. I just dont know what I am doing anymore. I am so confused with myself and my life and everything. I wish i oculd just bleed it all away and make myself fade so no one will notice.
  • Current Music
    silence
Felix- to the left

i chose Fletcher...lol



and then this...
DREAMER
(Submissive Introvert Abstract Feeler )

csilla Like just 12% of the population you are a DREAMER (SIAF)--reserved and imaginative. You are basically the shy, silent type. You don't have much interest in facts and figures or most of what's going on around you, but the internal worlds you build for yourself are rich and complex.
Luckily, your creativity and strong heart mean you have a deep personality evident to anyone who gets to know you. It's just that not many people do, because most everyone thinks you're a loser. Talk to yourself less, other people more, little shaver.
  • Current Music
    GH
Felix- to the left

umm...yeah

Alone and depressed?!?!? have the whole room to yourslef?!?! yes i do. so come smoke some trees with me tonight. lol bye the world a coke tonight.lolollol, AHHH i love this feeling.... ma-ri-ju-an a is a goooood thing. lol i can barely spell i am trying so hard. am i even gonna remember thsd tomororow morning?
  • Current Music
    the fragile~ NIN