October 28th, 2001

Felix- to the left

fall in love with the empty girl...

sometimes people think they know everything about you. they think they can see everything inside you and can read you rlife by the words from you rmouth or the look in your eyes. They dont even think for a second that there is so much more. ANd what you dont say is kept inside you forever. locked away like a tiny little preciouse stone. A tiny tear that reaches only the corner of your eye, and then evaporates because it just doesnt have the strength to go on. They dont even think for a second that there could be so much more, so much they dont know. And if they did know, it just would never be the same. But they can never know. they can never feel the truth. and you wouldnt really want them to.

You look at their empty faces and just smile, or try to, at what you see there. And sometimes, at your weakest moment, you wish for that emptyness...that bliss that comes with being eternaly happy and sheilded from the reality of what is really out there. And then you think of all the stuff you wouldnt know. All the truth that you see. And yet you would give it up for just that moment of true happyness. But then reality hits you and you know you are better off. But why are you so sad then? why are you so sad...

All you know is that this is forever. And this is the best you can do. And when your alone you feel the greatness. You feel the empty darkness that is slowely taking over but you cant mind anymore. Its to hard and too time consuming to mind anymore. You just accept it and deal with it. Your dead inside so you dont have to live with it. Cant live when your already dead...

And they tell you you rnot alone. They tell you and their words whisper and get lost among the branches of the trees that surround you. Youa re so lost in the middle of their empty voices and their please for you to be there, to be the one to care. But the whispers grow louder and you feel like your not alone. For just that tiny moment you feel that there could be a chance. And as that hope is given, it is taken away quicker then you can even realize.

And in the darkness you sit, with that one tiny melody playing over and over. The soundtrack of you rlife. one song for the moment. you breath in and out, the smoke leaves your mouth and desperses into the molecules of the air. and you bleed, because you dont know what else to do. you bleed because you cant cry, and little by little you cant feel, you just bleed. Cause this is what you live with everyday of your life. You wait for teh time when you can feel once again. and they say they understand. SO while they sit and talk and tell me their truths, i sit and bleed, and wait for hell to be over. Look at her they will say...she is singing. she is breathing and living. but when?
  • Current Music
    mourning sun ~dave navarro
Felix- to the left


wow, i got such a reaction to my last post i dont know if i can ever write anything again. lol you know, go out with a bang?? hehe

so today i woke up and i just watched tv all day and stuff and totally forgot about daylight savings until about 6pm. that sucked. But i have been so hyper all day, i went to bed at like 7am youd think i would be tired after only 4 hours of sleep.

I finally started my homework, and its due friday. this is like a big thing for me. hehe. Josh and Andrea came home today. Josh looks good, Andrea looks tired. I'm happy to see them again. i missed them more then i thought i did. It was so good to be alone this weekend.

Tomorrow is the Halloween party. It should be fun. I can finally wear my dark angel costume that me and Andrea made. Its gonna look so hot.
  • Current Mood
    accomplished accomplished