January 24th, 2002

Felix- to the left

loser

I should be doing homework but i cant. i am just really too depressed to do it right now.

I just realized today that I am sad.. I am really truly sad. i thought it went away but it just snuck up on me over a couple of days. I want it to stop but i cant help it. I can feel the madness pouring back into me. I cried three times today because i just hate my life. I try to change it and try to make myself a better person but i just cant do it. I cant pull myself together and its killing me. And the things people say to me, like they dont even notice how much it hurts. or maybe they do but it doesnt matter cause i dont count anyways. i'm just a loser. my friends are shady, i have no future, nothing here for me and i honestly think the world would be better off without me. I am such a waste of space. nothing but a reject who doesnt fit in anywhere and is so very lonely. I feel it in my heart and my throat and in everything in me. I am so lonely. the only times i feel alive is when i hurt myself or get high and i just get lost. I wish i could get lost forever and no one would even notice. and i think i am falling in love. with a person i can never have. that might be the limit. The first time that happened i almost died, literally, and now its gonna happen again. Unless i just dont feel. just hide away forever and forget the world exists.
  • Current Music
    incubus -warning
Felix- to the left

break...

so these are another set of tiff's questions that i found worthy to answer hehe. love ya tiff.

*Daily Questions*
#1. When people kick you out of their lives how do you feel?
#2. Would anybody take me away from here if they could? To be with them? Cuz I really need that right now...
#3. How far would you go if you loved somebody? (I mean would you give up everything? Fly half way around the world?)
#4. What do you like most about church?

1. when people kick me out of their lives i feel like shit. And i should know, it has happened to me with EVERY friendship i have ever had...even if it hasnt happened yet, it will. its inevitable. When people dont want you, what are you supposed to think? how worthless do i feel...

2. OMG tiff i would take you away from there in a heartbeat. If you wanna come here and live with me its no problem at all. i welcome you with open arms!! i am totally serious too.

3. if i loved someone i would give up everything for them. everything i ever had or could have. I woud give my life for them if i had too.i believe love is the only thing in life that you need to live. without love...your dead inside.

4. i dont go to church.. i dont like church. goes against my beliefs. but when my parents make me go i like the singing. lol cause thats what i do, sing.

yep yep, those are the questions of the day. now who wants to get ME out of here??
  • Current Music
    pardon me ~incubus
Felix- to the left

(no subject)





Wowie! You are Tfu Tfu! You're the odd one out, there are few places you fit in. Others don't understand you very well and tend to treat you indifferently and take you for granted. But then again, you don't really give a damn about them anyway.
  • Current Music
    cold contagious ~Bush