January 25th, 2002

Felix- to the left

something just isnt right...

I had a really REALLY long good conversation with Josh tonight. we talked for like 3 hours which was just amazing. I finally told him how sad i was and how much i hated my life. He was really trying to help. We talked about a lot of important things. It was great. We have all changed and i think that was bothering me but we have to accept the new us and see that we can still be friends anyway.

all i want is to find inner peace and i just cant find it. i was so close and then it just came crashing down. I am just so sad. I am just going though life blankly and i dont know what to do about it. i just want to cry, and die, and sleep all day. and i am so lonely. such a loser. everyone thinks it in the back of their mind. Its undeniable. even josh told me he does. and i knew he did.

whats the point of being in this world if no one notices you...

I think i am in love with josh.
  • Current Music
    tara song from buffy musical
Felix- to the left

noplace

its so much better when your high! i dont care what josh says...this small moment of happyness is worth it. my hair si really curly today. i like it. so does john apparently. lol ok i am so rambling already. i watched a little but of Queer as Folk today and i absolutely loved it! now i wanna see all f them. hehe. ugh today was suhc a bad day. now i want a cgarette to make it go away. that rhymed. lol i told you i could totally write when i am hi. just kidding. yeah look at me now.
  • Current Music
    ha
Felix- to the left

psychiatrists

i went to make an appointement at the counceling center after we watched this movie on psych hospitals in class today. Some of those people could have been me and it really scared me. I dont want to be there and technically i should be. I can never tell anyone the things i do cause i dont want to go there, but i need to tell people cause then how am i supposed to get better if i dont??? i just dont know what to do.

today i feel slightly better, not really better but more like "ok i can get through my day" which is better then when i just didnt want to go to class at all.

i think i am gonna dye my hair tonight. green again. hehe. fun. i'm getting a webcam soon..sams one hehe.
  • Current Music
    general hospital lol
Felix- to the left

hehe




When the term "slacker" was coined, they must have had Trent in mind. Trent spends most of his time playing guitar in, and writing songs for, his band.

yes that is me. yay.
Felix- to the left

flicky

I just realized how much i totally fuckin love live journal. its the cutest thing ever!!

FLICKERSTICK is coming back to rochester and buffalo feb 18th or 19th something like that. And i am going! yippeeee i am so excited to see my boys again. hehe..my boys.

I am trying to find something to do tonight. preferably alone. Andrea and Jim went to see black hawk down. ick. tomorrow i am gonna go see a walk to remember! i am so excited! shane west ahhhh
  • Current Music
    your mom