February 10th, 2002

Felix- to the left

crap

Josh, Andrea, Lil and I went out to a club called Utopia tonight. i knew i was in for something. we took like forever to get are clothes picked out lol.Then we left at like 12. I am so not into the techno scene cause i never listen to it (i think now i will though) .

anyways, it was a horrible night. i had fun but josh was treating me like a total alien. i think he knows how i feel about him now cause he was acting so weird when we got back. like i was dancing with hima nd getting close to him and i dont know how he felt about it. i think he freaked out cause hes like woah you gusy are my residents and i'm your RA. ugh . then for the rest of the night he was avoiding me and being nasty to me, cause he was nervous or something. he was being such a dick. so i was mean back cause why should i take that crap. so yeah...

then i get a phone call, thinking its him i pick up but its some random guy that just picked up any phone number and called it and it was mine. so we have been talkin for an hour now. its so funny lol. the saga of my life continues...
  • Current Mood
    angry angry
Felix- to the left

loving you, isnt really something i should do...

today was good and bad all mixed in one. i dedcided it was time to writ ein my journal cause i was at the verge of smashing my mirror against the wall. i just finished crying my eyes out cause josh is like number one asshole. he comes up here and hes like hi. i was like oh hey, whats up..like not too friendly though. and he completley acts like evrything is ok and he wast a total asshole yesterday. so he comes in and starts talking me about random stuff and then hes like well i am so tired so goodnight. im like goodnight. no hug nothing. we hug everynight except for the times when we are mad at eachother. i hope he gets the point. then hes like are you ok? and in the cheeriest voice i could produce i was like "yeah!" hes like no your not whats wrong. and i was like nothing i'm great. goodbye. and i waved him goodbye so i think he got the hint cause he left. words cant even describe how upset i am. i am trying to hold myself back from going after him so bad cause thats so not fair to me. but its killing me inside. i can feel this huge pressure on my heart and i dont know what to do about it.

ugh, moving on to better things (before i explode) i went to siner with amanda and vito today. it was pretty damn fun! i am soooo glad i went. we went to amys place and the spot, for coffee. ihave been dying to go to that place and it was pretty cool. we talked a lot and it was really nice. especially to hang out with different people. tomorrow i am gonna go to the lgbta office, hopefully i wont chicken out. hehe.

i wish i could do something to change myself. anything...
  • Current Music
    american beauty techno remix