February 24th, 2002

Felix- to the left

blah

so we went to diner, then went for a walk to cvs so i could get a sketch book and some more art supplies. It was cool spending atleast some time with josh. Then i came bck to my room and painted a little, but michelle called and told me that nicole got some pot and tequiza. so there went my productive night lol. And for once i didnt really care if i would be here when josh got off duty.

so i came back around 1:30 high off my ass, trying not to make too much noise so andrea wouldnt come over. i have no idea what i did, all i know is i wake up at 3:30 feeling wide awake and not so high anymore. So i started painting hehe. And i watched the crow on tv which was hot cause i havnt seen it for a while.

I went downstairs to have a cig at like 4 somehow hoping i would run into josh again, but i didnt. I really missed him last night though. Like i wanted to see him soo bad. That feeling really has to go away.

so i wake up this morning and see that andrea left to go shopping without me. surprise, surprise. she probably went with jeff. Its ok i feel like crap anyways. so i look around my room and realize that i am so never gonna amount to anything more then one of those crazy drug addicts that sits around doing art and will be homeless in about a month. and for some reason it doesnt even phase me. like i knew all along.

why am i even here?
  • Current Music
    silence
Felix- to the left

holy crap

what afuckin crazy day. i cant even believe it. Well ok so i totally freaked out after my last journal entry cause like i said i was just so fed up with everything and strung out. I turned up my music and i swear i was losing it. I felt like i wasnt even here anymore. ANd i must have ripped half my hair out while crying my eyes out. So i really had to leave. I went to michelles rooma t about 3 and just started drinking and smoked a pipe. It felt so good to just get outside myself. I was seriously gonna losse my mind if i didnt. So i am sitting there talking to nicole and her friend katie and me and michelle decide to go to the mall. Well michelle mostly cause i was too wasted to even think. so i keep asking her if she is sober enough to drive cause i wanted to die but not like that lol.

so we are driving and i am sitting there opening the car door while she was driving and laughing my ass off.not exctly the smartest thing to do but what did i care. so then the car starts to smoke and shit so we had to pull over. i dotn really remember stuff inbetween there just that i got a cd and a dvd and then we came home. then i came back to my room and hung out with josh, trying really hard to be normal.

the rest of it i wont say here cause i really cant. all iknow is that i am so not gong to class tomorrow.
  • Current Music
    interview with a vampire