March 5th, 2002

Felix- to the left


this was the longest day of my life. i thought others were...but no, this was.
josh stopped by and he was like whats up and i was like "i was gonna go to class but now i have a meeting with Marcia, thanks." and i slammed the door in his face. i was sooo mad at him. so tons of time went by and i was really nervouse. finally i got a chance to talk to andrea. i told her how i felt about everything and she told me that she was really worried and she had to tell josh cause she was very upset about it, which i understood. i was just mad that josh went to marcia after all i told him. that they couldnt trust me or believe me enough when i told them i would do what they were asking me to. it hurt so bad to know that this was coming from my best friends.

so then i went to the meeting with marcia and she asked me how i was and all that and i told her a little about what was going on and she explained to me that josh had to tell her and all that which kinda sucked cause it was like his job or whatever. and then she actually asked me if she could see my cut. i was like she asked me where it was and how bad and if it was infected and all that good stuff. and she told me that more people might get involved in this if i didnt go to counceling. so i told her that i already called and made an appointment and she was cool with it. it was really weird though. the whole thing.

so then I came back and i wanted to talk to Josh but he wasnt back from class yet so i left him a message. Then me, Andrea, Lil and Erica went to look at the campus manor apartements for next year. we decided we didnt like them. they were so depressing. but we only have a week to decide so that really sucks.

anyways i came back and josh called and said he couldnt talk cause he was having a heart problem. it was beating really fast and irregular. i got really worried and i knew it was partially cause of all this shit going on with me which only made me feel worse about how i was to him. but he said we could talk later. so later we went to diner and i apologized to him for everything but he completely saw where i was coming from. Like he knew i would be mad but eventually see that they were just trying to help and i would understand it all. so he was way cool about it. then andrea came down and we went to get food with her and it was like our friendships were perfect again. it was so great.

i realized that i love the two of them more then anything and i would never want to lose them. i may not want to be here but whatever time i have here i want to spend it with them. we hung out for like the rest of the night and it was way cool. josh just let me chill in his room cause i told him i watched a sad angel and ocne and again and i was crying and he was like oh thats not good...

once and again was sooo amazing as usual. that show just touches me like no other show can. and angel..omg, i cant even explain that in words. it was just crazy.

so tomorrow i think i am actually gonna go to class, then i have a counceling appointement at 1. ooh fun. i am glad i have josh and andrea in my life though.

now, to think about vito and amanda....hehe
  • Current Music
    the matrix
Felix- to the left


so here i go...

i am really nervouse and anxious. i know i am just gonna lie. or maybe iwill just spill it all out. either way, bad results. but alteast josh and andrea will be happy.

no class today. why go anymore? no point.
  • Current Music
    full of grace ~sarah mchlachlan