March 7th, 2002

Felix- to the left

Josh

i just had the most amazing night with josh. We just hung out, talked, listened to fiona apple, looked at all these great pictures of her, made this huge wad of bubble gum (LOL) it was hilarious. It really made my night.

it started out not too good. Andrea was busy and josh was at his hall coucnel meeting, and i was getting like retardedly desperate for pot. so i finally went and got some and i felt this huge relief, and then i felt this huge disgust with myself that i needed it so bady just to feel somewhat normal and fulfilled. So i just layed down and went to bed. Then the phone rang and it knew it was Josh even though he didnt leave a message. So i figured i really needed to see him or i would do something crazy and stupid.

so i went downstairs and he was finishing up his work so i just layed down on his bed cause i was sooo tired, then he started playing music and stuff and we were being silly and stuff, then we got on teh fiona kick hehe. He has this little gumball machine that he got for his birthday and only i can get them out without having to put money in it hehe. so i was doing that and kept giving them to him and he kept eating them and so was i and we ended up with this huge piece of gum and hardly any left in the machine lol. We looked at some fiona pictures and he played me more musics hehe. Then we just chilled.

so then jeff stops by and starts to tell us whats going on with him and andrea, which i havnt even mentioned. anyways its this big whole thing between him and her and her and Luke. hehe. anywyas so then he asks Josh if he wants to go to Geneseo with him this weekend to go out with this girl, so of course Josh perks up. So he might go, which sucks, but anywyas, whatever. lol. we got it good now.

then, he puts on this silly little hat and these silver sunglasses that always like transform him (lol i cant explain) and since i have been really into this photography thing i was like ooh you look cool let me take pictures. so i come up and get my camera and i go down and take pictures. Then i decided i would do this project. A week in the life of Josh or something. Like him doing various things, and this would be the Josh roll. LOL he was very amused and he thinks its really cool.

i think its so amazing how much he can change my world for me. Its like night and day with and without him. I love it, and its awsome, but i will have to deal with being without him....but me without him is disasterous. he ahs got this incredibleness about him where he could change the things about me that i would have never even dreamed to change. And they are all for the better too. i guess the sense of me not being able to be with him really put me on edge and didnt make things better. But when he is there....everything is better. everything seems brighter and it seems like there might be a hint of hope.
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    precious things ~tori amos
Felix- to the left

*so no one told you life was gonna be this way*

Today we went aparetmenet hunting. And then me and josh finally talked andrea into taking us food shopping hehe. we had such a great time. AND.... I think we found an apartement!!!!!!!! it was SOOOOOOO cool and big and nice and its cheaper then living in the doorms! i think my mom is really gonna go for it. its gonna be awsome. shes giving me shit about school though so i have to explain all that to her. i dont know if i should tell her about my "incident" so she better understands whats going on with me. it might not be good.

so tonight is Friends and ER and Will and Grace and all that. Thats like so exciting to me.lol today was an overall good day though. Tomorrow i actually have to go to class. I cant believe i am actually gonna go. its gonna be like truamatizing for me. hehe. i know this sounds like not a big deal to some people, but like i told my mom, if youve never been through it, then you just dont know. ugh i hate saying that lol. so here i am, living, breathing, singing, and being ok. i better keep this up.
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    tv