April 4th, 2002

Felix- to the left

thoughts

i just realized that i havnt written anything deep in here in a while. ever since i have found some sort of happyness, i feel like i have lost a sense of depth in me. i hate the thought that when i am happy i dont have anything meaningful to say, but i find that sometimes its true.

i like myself when i am happy, but i feel like i am losing something beautiful inside of me. but also with the happiness i have gained something beautiful all in its own...
  • Current Mood
    blank blank
Felix- to the left

*i'm happy for you*

Today was pretty uneventful, but nice and relaxing. I didnt really sleep very but i am not that tired. Vito slept over and then went to class. we just lazied around for a long time. i was up so early lol. but he slept till about 1ish. anyway, when he left i cleaned a little and painted a little. now i am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my time. I am so tempted to go over to my friends room and smoke up, but i promised myself i wouldnt, so i dont know. this sucks. i hate waiting, and deciding, and trying to do something with myself. i can never find something that interests me long enough. well besides him.

i guess i'll wait for andrea to get back from work and see what she is doing.

************************************************

You took me for a joke
You took me for a child
You took a long hard look at my ass
And then played golf for a while
Your shake is like a fish
You pat me on the head
You took me out to wine dine 69 me
But didn't hear a damn word I said

I see right through you
I know right through you
I feel right through you
I walk right through you
  • Current Music
    right through you ~alanis morissette
Felix- to the left

just a thought...

Sometimes i try not to think. cause when i think, my mind gets full of thoughts that i just wish i could push away again. I think back to the way things used to be a long time ago, and the people i used to know. and it makes me sad, so i push it away and pretend it just never exhisted.

But sometimes i cant help it, and i think about it, and it all comes rushing back. every feeling, every pain, every memory. and i just want to go back there, no matter how bad it was. i dont know why i do this to myself, but i guess its moments when i feel better that i let myself go back there. and then i realize that its too much, so i escape from it again and hope that it doesnt make me to upset and lonely all over again....
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative