April 8th, 2002

Felix- to the left

your better then the love drug...

i havnt updated in a while. Vito and I partied hard this weekend, and we were out for a few days. I had an amazing time though. i wish i could have been more aware, but i remember every feeling, and it was totally worth it. What an orgasmic experience ;) I feel like we slept so much and yet i am still so tired. But its an ok tired, not the tiredness i usually have.

This i think this weekend was amazing not because of the drugs, but more because of Vito. like it just woulnt have been the same without him. and each time, i feel closer to him. i just feel like i learned so much more about him then i thought, and i feel like i shared more as well. it just always seems to be a good experience for me.

We went shopping before all tht and got some clothes and i got some jewelry. This week Clinton is coming to speak at my school, and No Doubt is coming too. i am sooo excited for No Doubt. i just wish it wasnt all this week. i feel like i have so much to do, but i really dont. its an overwhelming feeling with nothing to be overwhelmed about. i really need to take control of that.
  • Current Music
    drawn to the rhythm ~sarah mclachlan
Felix- to the left

fucking people...

some people should just fucking mind their own business. i will do whatever i want with my life and if they have a problem with it then they shouldnt be my friends. i'm just sick and tired of defending myself and putting up with things to make the whole world happy. And if anyone has something to tell me, then tell me to my face, dont go making vague statements and pretending like your not talking about me. i'm so sick of it.

and another thing i am sick of is everyone expecting me to be happy all the time. i'm not gonna be happy cause i am not a happy person. if i am happy once in a while then just accept that and make the most of it, and if you dont like me when i am being myself then stay the fuck away from me. simple as that.

whew, now that i got that out of my system i feel a lot better. now i am off to catch up with a bunch of stuff, and talkign to Amanda. So glad shes back =)
  • Current Music
    the fragile ~nine inch nails
Felix- to the left

all my work...

i wrote this about 2 months ago...maybe youll understand

2/5/02

Carving letters into skin
feel the burning oxygen
Those tears you cry are always real
what makes you think you cannot feel.
Eat the flesh of sympathy
Take the hand of misery.
Try to hold on one more hour
My heart feels like it’s lost all power.

Silence is your only friend
The beating music helps you mend
The voice you hear inside your head
Is the voice that makes you go even deeper.
Sing with him, his bleeding voice,
In the end you have no choice.
You swear the blood that flows can heal
You swear the cuts will make you feel.

You fall into the empty hand
The machine of life is not so grand.
On and on it pushes down
Help me, can’t you see me drown.
The blood is thick it makes me drown.
It makes me drown.
It helps me drown.

I hear it calling out to me
I hear it telling me my destiny
It says forever be alone
It says I want you for my own.
It envelops me like darkness does.
It consumes me

©cjara 02