April 16th, 2002

Felix- to the left

lists and thoughts

today was like math brain overload. it was actually fun though. i had fun doing math. i am almost scared. lol. but i got 100% on my math test and that was the coolest thing that has happened to me school wise in a long time...and it was totally honest too!!

soooo where do i begin. i am so tired of just listing all the things i did...like yesterday Vito came over, slept a little, then we went to eat at Amy's place and then we went to get his vibrating tongue ring, and i got two really cute ones that i have to wait a week to change to. i hate waiting. Then we came back and fooled around for like most of the night...and then we studied math. math math math for the next million hours. hehe

Today i woke up late but i went to class anyway. i thought i was gonna pass out from heat and tiredness, but i was ok. then i took my test and we came back here and Vito slept a while, then we went and hung out outside with andrea and jim, which was ok despite the fact that i cant really stand Jim at times. Then Vito and i went to eat. i had a pretty good night despite being tired. we rented a movie but i dont know if we will get a chance to watch it. hehe.

I just like when he is around. i get this feeling like everything is complete, and good. And i really like that feeling. i just wish...actually i hope i make him feel the same or somewhat like that. i told him that if i could, i would give him all the happyness in the world. id give so much for him to be eternally happy, because when he is, you can just see the spark in his eyes. And it makes me happy to know that he is ok.

anyway, enough of me being mushy and all that. i just know this summer is going to be so great. we are gonna have a blast no matter what happens. =)
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic
Felix- to the left

*shes so lucky, shes a star...but she cry cry cries in her lonely heart*

i couldnt sleep...so i redid my journal colors and my desktop. green seems to be my favorite color for the moment. i dont know why i am suddenly so attracted to it.

anyway, after looking for apartments for hours, i finally went to bed around 4am. I couldnt really sleep though, and then Vito kept getting worried that i didnt have enough room so he got up at like 6 and i havnt been able to sleep since then. He went back to sleep in the lounge though. hehe.

today its supposed to be 80 degrees here. thats really gross. Its like, you wanna go outside but its to humid and muggy to do anything. And way too sunny. I am just soooo tired that i wanna cry but its just not happening. i have no idea what i am doing today. Vito has class at 2 so he should be wakin up around 12, and then he will probably go home and i will sit here and waste the day. i am kinda sick of sitting here at my computer...

And yes, i am listening to britney spears...
  • Current Music
    lucky ~brit =p
Felix- to the left

(no subject)

He left, and i cried. not so much cause he left, but cause i needed someone. And when i need someone, no one is ever there. i give my all to everyone and everything, and then it just gets overwhelming, and you realize that when you need someone, your lying there crying all alone. and it sux, and it hurts and i just need someone to hug me and tell me its gonna be ok. that i am just tired, and people have bad days, and its ok because i can act upset sometimes and there should be no problem with it, and tomorrow will be a better day. thats all i need.

right now i just want to get out of here. it is way too early for this and i feel like i just want to sleep forever and i dont even care if i wake up or not cause i really dont want to. i just want someone that when i talk, they hear the things that i dont say...
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"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do." -Nan Fairbrother
  • Current Mood
    sad sad
Felix- to the left

...

why do i screw everything up? its like i take the best things in my life and destroy them. what is wrong with me that i cant just be normal?

i'm so sorry baby, i really am...
  • Current Mood
    guilty guilty