April 17th, 2002

Felix- to the left

peace

hehe...i cried myself to sleep again. that seems to be working wonders. i just wish it wasnt under these circumstances. i feel better and more levelheaded though, cause before i just went off on myself and that probably just made it worse. But now i know the arguement Vito and i had was my fault. i was cranky and frustrated and upset, and i took it out on him which is what i promised myself i wouldnt do before i went to lunch with him. and thats exactly what i did. and i hurt him so much and that is the last thing i wanted to do. i always seem to ruin everything perfect in my life. why would i do that to him?

and now i just want to talk to him, but he wants to cool off, which was what i wanted to do too, but i cant stand people being mad at me. And thats not even the case here. hes mad at me and he has every right to be, i just want to tell him how sorry i am.

so i am sitting here trying to just think about this rationally, and not cut, and not smoke pot, and not try to escape it. i just need to deal with it. so i am gonna study for math, cause i need to do good on the test tomorrow no matter what, and i am gonna look for apartments and not complain about it cause that is so silly of me. and then i am gonna go to bed, and go to class tomorrow, and see him, and just hope that he feels better.

oh, and mary is a two faced bitch. but i dont wanna get into that right now :(
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Felix- to the left

how much do i not suck?



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yup...this is so right. its time for me to grow up and get over myself. if i cant do something, too bad. if i can do it, great. but iwont know till i try and there is no point in putting myself down about it before hand. so thats gonna be my new outlook to life...

up early, i'll be ontime to class, then i can talk to vito, and everything will be ok. its windy and sunny out today so it should be nice once the sun starts going down. i couldnt really study math last night so we will see how that goes. today should be better...
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