May 7th, 2002

Felix- to the left

*just make this go away*

so vito came over and helped me pack and move my boxes. cause of course i was being whiny again. i really hate myself when i am like that. I was so tired though i couldnt help it. I really was pushed to the edge. And then i started crying and i felt bad cause Vito moved all the boxes by himself. ugh. Then we watched tv and stuff and we fooled around.

But i am suffocating. i knew it. and i hate it. and i dont want to be like that. I want him to be happy and give him everything he wants. Yet i just cant let him go. I know how much he wants to be alone and have some time to himself, but the pain is so great when he leaves that i almost dont even care. And that is so fucked up of me. Its like all of it just goes away when i am with him. and then it all comes pourning back into my face when he leaves. there is something so wrong with me and i really need to grow up and get over it and stop being so fuckin dependent on people.
  • Current Music
    its been a while ~staind
Felix- to the left

outside


And you
Bring me to my knees
Again All the times
That I could beg you please
In vain
All the times That I felt insecure
For you
But I leave My burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste
What I could never have
It's from you
All the times That I've tried
My intentions Full of pride
But I waste More time than anyone

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

All the times
That I've cried
All this wasted
It's all inside
And I feel All this pain
Stuffed it down
It's back again
And I lie Here in bed
All alone
I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow wil be OK

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside your ugly
Your ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you

  • Current Music
    Staind
Felix- to the left

*underneath your clothes theres an endless story*

ok so we decided to leave really really late at night instead of like..now. which works out ok cause its like a comramise between today and tomorrow. Vito is sleeping right now though and who knows when he will get up. So i am just gonna pack and be ready and do whatever he wants. He is driving afterall and i dont want him to be tired or anything, so basically i just want to do what works for him.

i feel really bad about yesterday. I feel bad that i was making him feel like that. i wish i could give him back all those days he wanted to be alone. =(

so off to packing again. i cant wait till all this packing and moving is over. it really is a pain in the ass. and its like, i need stuff and i dont have it half cause i packed it and Vito took it back home with him, or just cause i have no idea where i put it.

god, you dont know how horrible i feel...
  • Current Music
    a thousand miles ~vanessa carlton
Felix- to the left

people like you are why the world should end...

so it happened. Mary and I had a complete showdown. I felt like i could have been meaner and more truthful but she was just makin me so fuckin angry. So shes gone. finally. i'm glad i had a chance to tell her how i felt though before she left. put the dumb bitch in her place. shes lucky i didnt beat the shit out of her. ugh. well lets just hope i forget about her sooner then later. never in my life have i met anyone so rude and selfish. She reminds me why i am so proud to be the kind of person i am and that i am not like her.

whew.
  • Current Music
    giving in ~adema