June 26th, 2002

Felix- to the left

*i'm falling even more in love with you...letting go of all i've held on to*

well i stayed at Josh's longer then i thought i would. But only cause i pushed it. we got back last night. i really wish we didnt have to come back at all. I am starting to hate it here so much. I miss being able to look up at the stars and the sky and breath in the clean fresh air.

it was good to see josh and andrea. good and bad actually. we had an awsome time...but i could tell the differece. i could see the way they acted with eachother. and then andrea tells me that they are not coming into the city so i wouldnt see her at all for the rest of the week. and i know its because she wants to spend that time alone with Josh. It was never like that and thats what i was afraid of. so now its josh and andrea...and me. like always. like every friendship and relationship i have ever had. i am always the one left behind. i guess i will get used to it. it just hurt to see them laying in bed together, and touching eachother, and sharing things with eachother that they didnt want to share with me. and i mean, i have vito...but he doesnt do some of those things. but then he does other things that are just so wonderful and i know its all gonna be ok. but it still hurts.
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