July 24th, 2002

Felix- to the left


i'm ok with it, i really am. infact i love it a lot. but i hate it when he does things with the other girls that i wish to god he would do with me. i keep trying to tell myself that its cause they are new and all that, but it still bothers me. and the last thing i want is to be jealous. and i do tell him that i wish he would do them with me so i wont be jealous, but it never changes...
  • Current Music
    warning ~incubus
Felix- to the left

*things i'll never say*

So i am thinkign, do i wanna make it better or do i just leave it alone...like, give up.ive been depressed now for days and i just know its not going away. i can feel it. the numbness and the pain, and everything that hurts eating away inside of me. this is a familiarity. almost conforting...its sad. I havent taken my meds in ages...that could be it. or maybe it just doesnt matter. maybe its bound to attack me ever few months no matter what i do. erica said (and in no way is this an attack, i was just putting a lot of thought into what you said hun) how could i be depressed if i have so much going for me? but really..what do i have going for me? i have depression, which in of itself is the worst thing to have. you cant get things done, you just hate everything and everyone, and you have no hope left. so what do you do without hope? i want to cut myself so bad that its all i can think about, my boyfriend is glad we have an open relationship cause then he can meet someone that will be more compatible with him then me, i am in a city that i hate and dont want to be in, i cant get a job and i will soon have NO money to live off of, i'm fat and ugly, and my family is falling apart. so what do i have going for me? what???
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed