August 14th, 2002

Felix- to the left

(no subject)

Today (well yesterday in many of my posts) we got pizza as soon as i woke 1pm, then we came back home and Vito slept for a while...then we went to Barnes and Noble...finally. that was like the highlight of my life. Ive been wanting to read these books that i made a list of like so long ago...most of them i couldnt find (Amanda i still have to give you the list :) But there was one i found called Cut by Patricia Mcormick. I read the whole was about this girl who cut herself and she was in a mental hospital. it was kinda scary and good at the same time. i remember when they said i might have to do that. i dont think i was ever that scared. imagine being in this artificial world away from everyone on the outside? have you seen girl, interrupted...i was scared...

so then we saw my parents there and said hi and all that. i didnt want them to see that i was holding that book in my hand...afterwards we stopped by their house cause i wanted to find this movie that i taped on USA called Secret Cutting...but i couldnt find it anywhere so that made me really upset, and then Vito was upsetting me too so now i am just really sad and down...i shouldnt let things effect me so much like that, but i cant help then we came home cause vito was making a big deal out of it. my parents love him but he hates being there or something...and now he is going to sleep...

tomorrow we are going to go do laundry at my parents. they are going to jersey on thursday and i really wanted to go but i cant cause on friday vito and i are going to my friend kinga's house. she just got back from chicago and i havent seen her for so long. shes one of my best friends. i cant wait to see her. with her, things are always like they used to be...i miss that.
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    sad sad
Felix- to the left

does it matter?

So i take a shower and i am walking around naked and all that...but apparently cleaning is more important...and more fun to do than me...anyway, sorry for that...i just had to express how i felt bout that.

maybe its me...i mean, i know i am not the prettiest person. i know he has a thing with 2 girls, but now that he has that, cant he just do it with me sometime? it was never that bad before...or was it... i dont know. i guess this is just me being stupid and depressed. like nothing matters anymore anyway. i guess i am just going one day to the next, waiting for the day when it will just be too much and too painful and then it can finally be over...but why cant i just do it now...

i guess annie is coming over today...i know hes gonna wanna do it then.but i wont. he doesnt even want her to come over. how can he have a relationship with her if he already doesnt want to see her? sometimes i just feel like giving up and giving in. but how is that fair to me? i guess i am doing it already by letting things get to me...whatever.
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    thoughtless ~KoRn