September 5th, 2002

Felix- to the left

why are you here?

Annie came over after her classes. Vito got all dressed up in my fishnets and he let me put makeup on him. he looked soooo good. We all fooled around...well i kinda did but didnt cause i had my period. it was hard and i felt kinda icky. but it was pretty hot for what it was i guess. I really love when he kisses me. thats the only time he really does. i love every moment of it. maybe thats why i put up with her...is that wrong?

I am going to Buffalo on tuesday. I am excited but suddenly i dont really want to go. Andrea emailed me and was like, well bring your own money and i dont know what we are going to do to entertain you blah blah blah. Like when did i ever need to be entertained. I am not a guest there. why is she making me feel like one?? its not fair. i knew this would happen. ugh. i wish i didnt have any friends. theni would be all alone and wouldnt have to worry about anyone or hurt because of anyone. ANyway i was also upset because i was gonna have to go to JFK all by myself which is such a long weird trip...cause my mom started work and cant drive me. But Vito said he would come with me =) that meant so much to me.

so now i am up...vito is still sleeping. hes sleeping a lot so hes probably depressed again...i just dont know what to do. i want to help him but he says it just annoys him.

i watched general hospital with Vito today. i havent seen that show in about 7 months...
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
Felix- to the left

all you need is love

All day i have just been surfing the web and working on my webpage. its almost done yippeeee. and it looks really good if i do say so myself...

Today i think we are gonna go look for therapists for the both of us. i think its time to do that for both of our sakes. things have been really good between us though. He is acting so nice with me and he cuddles with me and everything. i like it when its like this. I dont feel so alone, and i feel like i dont need so much from him either. its really good. We talked a lot yesterday about what we are going to do in october when the lease runs out. i'm really scared cause he might have to go back home. But i know he wants to stay here and he told me he wants to be with me so we have to work something out.
  • Current Mood
    determined determined
Felix- to the left

++...then your body will be mine...++

why are people i love hurting so bad??? and there is nothing i can do about it. how can i help them if i cant even help myself??? i just want to tell them that it will be ok...but i dont even believe that it will be...well maybe a little...

i wish i was 5 again in a better life...
  • Current Music
    System ~jon davis & chester bennington