January 9th, 2003

Felix- to the left

crazy for trying...

i'm up early and thats a weird thing. vito went to this job thing and i just couldnt sleep anymore. a hundred things are running through my mind...and i am kinda in a weird mood. very weird. like sad and reminiscent. and for some reason i feel alone. i know i am alone here, but its more of an alone in life. and i know that i am not...so whats wrong?i guess i read a friends post and it really cut into me. it was no big deal but it still did. why am i still bothered by things in the past? things are just the way they are and i have to get used to them and be ok with them. no use crying over the past, or worrying about other people and their hurt with the past.

my 10 month anniversary with vito was yesterday. sometimes i wonder about the exact date that we decided to be together, but in my heart, and his, we know it was that day. after that day we just clicked. we spent every day together. almost every moment. i knew we would be together for a long time, even when i wasnt sure about him. there was just something about our chemistry that was amazing.and then one day, he just tells me that we are beyond the point of ebing boyfriend and girlfriend. that we should have been that a long time ago. but in our hearts, we already were. and thats how i know we will work. vito is the one that loves me, and cares about me, and thinks i'm beautiful,and lays with me in bed every night making me feel worth it, like i am a person to love. this sounds kinda pathetic, but its not, cause he feels the same way. abd i love him for it...

on another note, josh and andrea never came yesterday. i knew something would happen. andrea hurt her shoulder or something. and they are going back on friday. so all the time she was here, i didnt get to see her or josh. so much for that. ah well, everyone else dithched me... sometimes i wonder how worth it friends are. friend or fucks....

oh and Lily if you read this, i really need the info for the thing we are going to, like time date, when your coming!! my sister had a concert on sat. but i wanna go with you so i need to see if i can go to both! hehe my email is sculder13@yahoo.com luv you!

xoxo csilla
  • Current Music
    korn ~somebody someone