January 31st, 2003

Felix- to the left

random

So tomorrow is february. a new month already. time just seems to be escaping out from under me. feb 8th is me and vito's 11 month anniversary. almost a year. i cant tell if it feels longer or shorter. but i look back at last year and i realize how different things were. i still feel the same inside of me, in some aspects worse, but the situation around us was so much more...peaceful. sometimes i wish we could just go back. but everything changes.

the past few days have been good. yesteday vito came home from his workshop and brought me some white castle burgers. i love those little guys!! hehe. then he went to sleep. later on he did some finance stuff while i toyed with my camera. ive been taking non stop shots of him for teh past few days. i think hes kinda annoyed lol. anyway, then everyone wanted to hang out so i figured we could all hang out together. but then vito told me he just wanted to hang out with me cause he didnt want to go out. so i thought that would be fun. but he invited annie over to watch a movie. so we didnt end up watching the movie, just took pictures and did the usual. i was kinda uncomfortable with a few things and i feel like vito didnt really listen to me or respect what i thought, but he would deny that anyway and say that i dont make myself clear enough. oh well. i had a good time anyway and got some interesting shots.

today i woke up feeling ok. i have a headache now. i am waiting for vito to come home. i know he will sleep all day but i still cant wait to see him. maybe tonight we will go to my parents house again to talk about the financial situation. we dont have money to pay this months rent and we are hoping they will help out. i want to take a loan out but vito is being a pain about it. and he never wants to discuss it with me. i guess he doesnt want me to worry. but then when he gets upset at me for it, that causes me to worry more.

i missed my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. i fucking hate that guy. oh well.
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