March 19th, 2003

Felix- to the left

hanging by the thread of your shirt...

So lets see...St.Patricks Day was kind of a bust. it was ok i guess. not really what i thought it would be though. i was pretty upset. but now i am not.

sometimes i just think i need a mood stabalizer.

anyway, we woke up at like 9. vito slept for a while longer. i took a shower then watched the parade for a while. vito made some phone calls for a while. then he said we had to go to 34th street so he could sign into his job thing. it was already like 1 something so i was worried we wouldnt make it to the parade. he said we might not go anyway, but i didnt want to give up. so we went over there. i waited in starbucks for a while. the guy at the register kinda gave me attitude cause i asked him if they had snappled.not goos for the social anxiety. so just wanted to leave but it took vito a while. Then we went to eat at pizza hut. they didnt have mountain dew so vito went to get some somewhere else. i was gettin nervous about the time. so we ate, and then went to old navy cause i wanted to get the $5 st. patty's day tanktops. i got a green one and vito got a white one. we changed in the dressing room. vito looked so hot. it was awsome. so then we got on a bus and headed over to the parade. we saw it as we went by with the bus. we got off at like 65st and watched it there for a while. i love the guys in kilts. then after like 5 min. vito wanted to go, so we started walking. i was kinda upset cause i wanted to see the parade and not just walk with the same people next to us. so we stopped for like 5 more minutes and we saw some more kilts, and bands. it was cool. so then we left. i wanted toget a green shake but vito didnt want to stop. so we just came home. vito went to bed.

later that night we watched tv for a while. then vito went back to bed. i really wanted to go out but i figured it was still early. vito said we could probably go to the bar downstairs when he woke up. but he like, never woke up. i waited and waited, and i was sooo freakin tired, but i didnt want to go to sleep just in case he woke up. i watched a bunch of tv, and jerry maguire which i remembered is like my favorite movie. god i love it so much.

he woke up at like 3:15. bars close at 4 so i prettymuch knew we werent going. then he just went back to bed. i just felt so empty and alone, and really sick. i felt like i was gonna faint, or die or something. so i ended up cutting myself. i couldnt help it. its been bulding up for like 2 weeks now. i knew it would happen sooner or later. oh well.

so today i woke up late, still pretty upset, and sick. we went to do laundry which made me feel better. it wa good to go outside, and it was good to spend time with vito. we went to eat at subway. it felt so much healthier then a cheesburger lol. after laundry we just came home. vito did a couple things. i felt like i was gonna die again. i dont know what is wrong with me. i just wanna get out of my body. grrr. so we watched buffy and the twilight zone. that made me feel better, laying with vito for a bit. and then queer as folk which i missed sunday. mmmm brian.

now i know i will not get sleep for a while. we bought sleeping pills today. that better fucking help. and vito bought me the cuttest little easter bunny. its pink with white dots and its shapped like an egg. i just totally fell in love with it. so yeah, that was my day.

the cute pink bunny egg :)

us at the st.patricks day parade
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