June 23rd, 2003

Felix- to the left

snagged from jenna :)

-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had- well hmm this is hard. in actual relationships, 1 boyfriend and 1 girlfriend. hookups are too many lol
-Name them- vito, kara
-Who was your longest relationship and how long?- vito for 1yr and 3 months
-Which ex do you miss the most?- i guess kara
-How many times have you been dumped?- never
-Who was your first kiss?- does the one in second grade count? i dont remember
-Who was the worst boyfriend/girlfriend?- dude i dunno. i only had 2 serious ones. i guess for the non serious ones..um damn whats her name....shit i really cant remember. thats sad.
-Who was the best boyfriend/girlfriend?- vito
-What was the coolest gift you got from your bf/gf?- a really beautiful necklace that is a key (to his heart) and its got blue rhinestones all around. oh and this awsome jeweled headband.
-What was the coolest gift you gave a bf/gf?- i named a star after him :)
-Why are you single?- i am not. drrr
-What do you look for in a guy/girl?- kindness, sensitivity, humor, adventurous, willing to be into anything
-What can't you stand in a guy/girl?- selfishness, people that lie, rudness
-What's the most important thing to have in a relationship?- trust,love and communication. and to share a lot of things.
-Why do you like him/her?- oh god, because he is beautiful. everything about him. he is so unperfect, yet so perfect at the same time. i look into his eyes and i know that everything will be ok.
-What would be the coolest thing to get from someone?- something i could have with me always and treasure forever.
-Do you like relationships?- yeah i do. they are a struggle at times, but way worth it.
::have you ever...
01. Fallen for a friend? oooh yes
02. Made out with JUST a friend? yeah baby, all the time!!!
03. Rejected someone? yeah :( i felt bad
04. Been in love? 3 times maybe 4
05. Been in lust? oooh yeah
06. Used someone? uh i guess...:( ihate that
07. Been used? probably
08. Cheated on someone? nope
09. Been cheated on? nope
10. Been kissed? um yeah...what kind of question is this? lol
11. Done something you regret? yeah. there was a time when i regreted nothing. but now i do.
::Who was the last person...
12. You touched? viiiiittooo :)
13. You talked to? online:jenna offline:vito
14. You hugged? vito
15. You instant messaged? jenna
16. You kissed? vito
17. Instant messaged you? kara
18. You yelled at? kevin...awww
19. You laughed with? vito
20. You had a crush on? umm....prolly some girl.
21. Who broke your heart? grrr i guess josh and andrea
::Do you...
22. Color your hair? haha of course!!! look at it!
23. Have tattoos? 4
24. Have piercings? ears, nose, tongue..i want my eyebrow pierced again!!!!
25. Have a girlfriend? I WISH!!!!!!!
26. Floss daily? hahahaha nooooo
27. Own a webcam? nope
28. Ever get off the damn computer? never. i am on it all the time. except when i go out lol
29. Sprechen sie deutsche? no but i know what that sentence means obviously hehe
30. Habla espanol? very little
::Have you/do you/do you have...
40. Considered a life of crime? yeah...prostitution or selling drugs
41. Considered being a hooker? yeah
42. Considered being a pimp? haha no
43. Are you psycho? uh yeah. and you all know it
44. Split personalities? severe mood changes maybe. so maybe yeah. lol
45. Schizophrenic? uh no
46. Obsessive? very
47. Obsessive compulsive? in some things
48. Panic? oh my god yes. this is like my middle name. social anxiety central here
50. Depressed? oooh yes. i am working on it though. meds meds meds
51. Suicidal? at times
52. Obsessed with hate? uh no...
53. Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? haha, blood maybe
54. Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? just the blood part again.
56. What would you be doing? cutting i guess, or just seeing blood. bloodletting.
58. What are you listening to? vito talking
59. Can you do anything freakish with your body? um...no
60. Chicken or fish? chicken
61. Do you have a favourite animal, no matter how lame it may be? kittens and cats

lol i cant believe that was the last question. now that was lame.
  • Current Mood
    indescribable indescribable
Felix- to the left

just a learning experience

so saturday we fixed up my room. it looks awsome. annie came over cause we were gonna do ladies night. but a bunch of stupid frat boys were hogging up the bar so we couldnt go in. so vito went to get some alcohol somewhere else. just for annie. cause i just wanted to try the coke all alone without alcohol or pot effects. i needed to experience it all the way.

so the rest of the night was coke night. thats all me and vito did. annie went to sleep. good thing cause she was gonna be annoying. so i experienced it really good. i got really high, and it was awsome. it was weird and cool. and i was glad to be with vito. he didnt get really high cause he wanted to control. he has a level head. its good. i love him for it. he made me fel all kinds of textures on my body, and we had amazing sex.

so then after doing a whole bunch, we decided to go out and take pictures. we took just enough to stay awake...cause it wares of quick. so we went out in the pouring rain and took pictures. it was really funny cause it was sooo pouring. vito wanted to look at everything and touch everything, but i was kinda just hanging back. then we went to get some stuff for breakfast and we came home. after that i totally crashed on vitos bed. after annie woke up and left, i went back to my bed, which is now on the frame instead of the floor (yay!!!).

i watched queer as folk, but only half cause vito wanted to see it with me. and i am dying to see it now. hehe. the freakin season finale. and then i will have to wait forever for the new season.

so today i might hang out with my sister and hopefully jenna. i dunno what we will do or how i will hold up. vito is going to work and i am wide awake from various legal/illegal substances. this is only a learning experience. its youth. it must be done. hehe. i know people are worried or whatever, but i control myself and i am responsible. thats the only way to do it. word.

xoxoxo red (my new nickname apparently lol)
  • Current Mood
    anxious anxious
Felix- to the left

fuck this shit

i suck. i am so depressed. why am i even alive. i wrote this at like 5am this morning :

i feel awake right now. i havent slept. i also feel like i am gonna throw up, but i havent eaten anything for like 2 days. go me. maybe i will lose some weight. that would be nice. but then i wouldnt fit into all my cool clothes i just got cause i would be too thin. that is so laughable. when i was younger i thought that by the time i was 18 i would be normal and skinny and pretty. so i am 20 now. i am pretty, but not normal or skinny. so what the fuck does the pretty matter then? vito says it does matter. that i am so beautiful and the weight is so not an issue. cause i am not that fat. and i can lose it. but i am that fat. and its so hard for me to lose it. grrr. i hate food. and i hate my stomach. i would be fine if my stomach just didnt hurt from hunger all the time. thats why i eat. i dont even find anything apetizing anymore. except a baked potatoe with cheese. lol. i am so weird. so yeah. i have to find something that will just stop the pain, then i would never eat. a medicine that would curb my appetite wouldnt help cause i dont have an apetite for anything. its just the pain that makes me have to eat. i think its starting to make sense in my head.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed
Felix- to the left

spring cleaning

yep yep, so just like everyone else, i am deciding to clean up my friends page. if you want to stay on, comment here. the special people know who they are. everyone else comment if you wanna stay on my friends list.

-thanks, managment.
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