January 28th, 2004

Felix- to the left


i am feeling so depressed right now. and its the kind of depressed that i dont even think vito can fix. so i know its pretty bad. and i know calling him would make me feel better. but i dont want to. i dont want to cry to him everytime i feel like i cant do something. everytime i have to walk knee deep in snow and want to complain to him about it. everytime something hits me real hard and i want to call him so bad. but i want to deal with it on my own.

but this isnt like that. this is like it used to be. i am so depressed. and its probably cause of missing him. but then why dont i just want to call him?

i feel so empty. i feel like i used to. i feel like i wanna cut and bleed and be happy about it cause i am such a fucking loser. and i havent felt like this in a really long time.

edit 8:11pm:ok so beth is coming over. maybe having a friend over will help. i hope. i wish so much that i wasnt like this.
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