February 23rd, 2004

Felix- to the left

csilla has a problem with gravity

so i am officially back in the land of the living! anyone miss me? hehe. SO one of these nights, i cant keep track anymore, my stupid power adapter broke and i dont have a battery on my laptop, so i was computerless since then. tuesday i think it was. thats a pretty damn long time. i feel like ive been away from the world for so long lol.

so i dont even know where to begin. things have been soooo fuckin weird i cant even explain. Tali is living here now, and so her boyfriend Chris comes over all the time too. hes cool, and we all get along so its nice. ive been doing too much partying though and cant seem to get my school work done. and then i freak out cause i fall behind and just stop doing school altogether.

so the last time i wrote we partied, i tried the shrooming experience again and it was ok. i wasnt like woah, but it was fun. i couldnt seem to sit up or stop laughing lol. then class happened wednesday, then i hung out with mike. we went to the mall and i got the cutest black dress with red stars. then we went back to his place and fooled around a little. then we went to get pizza and brought some back for vito. we hung out for a while then and talked and then mike and i went to his friend jills house and watched the craft. after that we went back to his place again, smoked pot, passed out and woke up the next day at like 5. then we fooled around again and he drove me home.

vito has been moody lately. or maybe its just me. or both. but we have been arguing a lot, or snapping at eachother rather, for the stupidest things. ive been so depressed lately though its crazy like i havent felt this bad in a long time. its getting to an almost suicidal point and i dont know what to do about it. i really dont want to fall back into that again. i was doing so good.

so friday me, vito, mike, tali, chris and brianna went to the continental. it was fun but tali and chris looked bored so it kind of dulled my night. it was nice to be out with vito though. and he has been looking so awsome lately. then saturday we went to the continental again but only stayed for a while. then we went back to Jills house and watched girl, interrupted which i am sure didnt help my depression. then yesterday vito and i tried to work on homework all day but after a while i got fed up and decided i was just gonna go out. So Tali and i made tacos which were very good. chris came over and we smoked a little and then mike came and we went to marcellas. i was feeling like such shit, so i just wanted to get trashed and just go with whatever happened. so we hung out there and danced as bit. i took in a few drinks and succesfully got shit faced and then we decided to come back home. but us being so drunk and all we cant keep our hands off eachother so we ae driving and trying not to have sex at the same time lol. so we finally got back and like went at it all night. certainly made me feel better. he just gets this look in his eyes though sometimes. a look a dont really want to seee right now.

but anyway so i missed my fucking class again today which sucks but i am just too depressed to care. and i REALLY miss my friends Beth and Katie. all week ive just been wishing they were around, but i dont really know what to do. i dont try to be evil, or mean, or neglectful, i just have so many problems with myself and functioning that somtimes i screw up. and im sorry.

so now here i am, wishing i wasnt but at the same time not really wanting to let go. vito says he might want to go home for a few days. iguess its just been too chaotic, and he cant handle my depression. shit happens. oddly i feel more numb to it than anything else. guess it comes with the territory. and thats about it.
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Felix- to the left

i need to see it!!

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