May 10th, 2004

Felix- to the left

the one thing that i tried to hold on to.

how does one go about soul searching. i think its time for some of that. i dont wanna be so sad all the time. and so indesicive. i just want things to be ok.

the past few days have been ok. for the most part. last night was something else.mike and i went to the cont and had a good time of course. and then we spent a while in his car talking and stuff. mike and i talked a lot. which is good. but now i just dont know. i feel like i dont know anything anymore.

and then suddenly things have been going good with vito. just a week ago he wanted to leave and this and that. but now he has been so pleasant an caring and its like woah. we talked a lot today too. nice talks. and watched tv together and made food together. and shared stuff. just when you think everything is collapsing.

then today my mom tells me that my grandma is really sick. and that i just dont know what to do with. its something i never really had to deal with. because i dont know if she is gonna get better this time or if things are gonna get worse.

tomorrow mike and i are supposed to go to the mall and find a lip ring cause mine is bothering me again. woo

i just wish i wasnt always so sad.
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