July 7th, 2004

Felix- to the left

pieces of me

as i sit at home, when i am supposed to be out, i realized a few things. i realize that as bad as some things in my life were, they were still my life and things that are a part of me. and while i dont want to forget these things, i have to let them go and move forward. this is also for the good things in my life. your life has many phases and different parts. as we grow and move and change, these different parts get left behind. sometimes i just have trouble being ok with it being what i used to know. how things were. that i have a new life now. and i had a new life then and the time before that. and each step is a new life with new situations and new people. and i can make each of them my own, but i cant hold them together as one. so i can come back to them, but they wont be the same as they were, and i cant expect them to be anything near that. trying to reproduce how they were only ends in sadness cause once that moment is over it just wont be the same. it can be close, but never the same. but thats ok, because why would you want it to be the same. why would you want to step back so far into another life. be happy you moved forward. so yeah, i think thats all i have for now. if i overthink i might get too deep and go back to disputing this whole thing lol.

and on that note, annie couldnt come out tonight so i didnt get to go to tj's and tomorrow she is hanging out with doofus. all things in the past. exactly the same. and i want to be sad, but there is no point. i dont live here anymore, i live in buffalo, with my boyfriend and i have great...no, amazing friends there, and a house and school, and the places i go to, the things i do. thats who i am now. and yeah its fun to come back and visit a piece of me. but there is no need to get hung up on it. so there :)
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