October 4th, 2004

Felix- to the left

how to dissapear completely....

so its been a while since a real post. yeah...ive been super busy. trying not to think about it. soooo my birthday...thatss where i last left off. it pretty much sucked. vito got back from work and was hungry so he was like come on come on im hungry. he wanted to go out to amys place so i got a little upset tht it was my birthday and he was just thinking about himself. ;p i had a right to be thinking about myself. lol. anyway so i finished getting ready and after argueing we got in the car and decided to go to elmwood. we went to this cute place called off the wall. it wasnt the greatest but it was cool. we ate, hardly talked i guess, and then went to go drop the car off. but we were early so wewent to wegmans to get food for us. but we just ended up getting cat food and cereal and cookies. nothing i really needed. and vito was just being very upsetting. i dunno what it was. its like one week its amazing and the next is a complete mess. so we got home and he went to bed and the rest of the day i spent alone. i just watched tv and wished the day was over. so bad. so yeah it ended and then tuesday was school blah. wed school blah. thursday school blah. i dont really remember those days lol. cause iam so swamped with work thats its unbelievable. i feel like im gonna die from it all.

so yeah then friday i just cleaned my room and the house all day and then my sister came at night. i was so happy to see her! its been so long. so we went to get her from the bus stop and got a few things at wilson farms. we talked a little when we got back and then we got ready and ken picked us up and we went to get drunk and michelles. we smoked too so i was totally fuckin gone. shit. after that we went to the cunt and then everything is a blur. we got home at like 9am. go figure. vito was not happy. i was pretty blah.

so yeah we got some sleep and we woke up late and still feeling like wtf and hung over. actually i was pretty fine considering. so my sister realized she left her bag at michelles so michelle came over for a little while and brought her bag back but her passport wasnt in it so she was pretty upset about that. so we decided we would go downtown to Spot coffee and then stop at the cont and check. So we got all ready and got on the train. it was pretty fun.and we went to spot. i had some coffee and grilled cheese and we talked a whole bunch about my grandma and stuff. then we went to the cont to lookaround but her passport wasnt there. so we decided we were gonna go play pool but the place was closed for some reason so we went to the movie theatre right there and saw the forgotten, which was alright. it was disturbing and weird. so then we came home, vito was acting silly the whole time but it was cute hehe.

when we got home michelle left a message that she had my sisters passport so we went over there. i felt weird about it cause of random shit, but we had a pretty good night for the most part. we smoked and laughed and just hung out. it was nice to just stay in and chill with ken and michelle and my sister.

sunday we woke up at like 1 and we got ready to go to the punpkin festival. vito was in a pretty weird mood. i dunno. like moody or something but maybe it was just me. eh who knows. so we took a cab there and it was so fuckin cool. it was like a carnival and a pumpkin patch. there were so many pumpkins there. lol. so we walked around and got food and wentto look at everything. we spent too much money lol. oh well it was a good time. there was a hay maze and apple cider and we even went on a tracktor hay ride which was pretty cool. it took us through the punpkin patch. ive never seen anything like that. it was really a good time. it got so cold at nightthough. so we took a cab back and then watched tv and movies the rest of the night until my sister had to go. i was really sad when she left. i wish we all lived closer.

so now im stuck with so much shit to do for tomorrow and i havent even started and im in a really shitty mood. im just pretending like its not there. i have papers to write, reading to do and a big test. all by tomorrow. and i hate feeling depressed like this. especially when i cant pinpoint what it is i feel shitty about.
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Felix- to the left

oh fuck

so my paid account is expiring in 10 days. and i have abot $20 left in my bank account for food and shit. life is goooooood. ;(

anyone wanna give me a belated bday present?? <3
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    listless listless
Felix- to the left

everything falls apart

ohmygod. today totally isnt gonna work. im so fucking depressed and i dont know why. i have just been sitting here for hours when i have so much work to do. like im retarded or something.

what the fuck is wrong with me.

and now im talking to ken about the city in the fall. how beautiful it is. and i completely wanna die cause im not there. and i feel so lost. like im not even here.

so im falling and there isnt anyone to catch me. ever.
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    radiohead