October 12th, 2004

Felix- to the left

the dead are better left alone

its funny how in life people are so afraid of death. you ask people and they say their biggest fear is someone coming in their home and killing them, or them walking down the street and being killed. natural causes killing them, a car accident killing them. anything. from time to time im almost paralyzed by these fears. and then sometime i get so sad that i become unafraid of death. like i wonder what it is i was afraid of. when you get depressed you arent afraid of dying anymore. and in a way i guess its a peace of mind. not being afraid of death saves you a lot of worries. its almost like you sleep easier at night. everything is more calm when your depressed. its like the world just fades aroubnd you. like it doesnt matter anymore so its ok if you fuck up. and sometimes, if your lucky, you even do better cuase your not so worried about getting it so right.

only you start losing the important things with being depressed too. and eventually they dont become important anymore. only, if you dont wanna kill youself you know that losing those things will have consequences. so then you tell yourself fuck it, im not afraid to die...
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