October 28th, 2004

Felix- to the left

missing class again.

so today my downfall finally hit me. Last night was pretty bad and i almost cried during my whole class. i was just way too all over the place to be there. and then we were talking about the different types of abuse so that didnt make it any better. i was just a wreck. blah. i forgot about it for a while with the lunar eclipse and during todays haunted union thing which was pretty cool. there was a decorating contest. LGBTA's rocked the hardest of course. they had cookie decorating, caramel apple making, pumpkin carving, apple cider. it was pretty hot. so i stayed for a while. i wanted to go to the haunted house and watch the scary movies all day but i didnt want to do it alone and vito didnt want to come over to campus. but i did get candy hehe.

so yeah. i struggled through my first class, pushed myself through my second class, and i just couldnt do the third. it was just too much. everytime i talk to someone i just feel my throat swelling up and i know im gonna cry. so i try not to talk to anyone. i just dont feel anything inside me anymore but numbness, and tears. and there isnt a soul i can talk to about it. that really bothers me. so im trying to just go about my days the best i can. trying not to fall behind, trying not to slip into a deep depression. and its taking me everything i have.

this weekend is halloween. i was excited. now im...trying to stay excited. today im gonna try going halloween shoppin with michelle. a few last minute costume needs from hot topic. hopefully we will find some good parties to go to. and then after that i just dont know. i wish i could just fall off the face of the planet for a little while.
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