February 22nd, 2005

Felix- to the left

so im really never gonna see you again.

sick, tired, went to class, blah blah blah. things are ok. i dont really feel like getting into a "this is what happened this weekend" post right now. im so tired i can barely stay up to write this. but it needs to be here.

ive been crying a lot the past couple days. i think it finally sunk in that im never going to see my grandma again. that she is really dead. all this time i guess i was just hoping that it wasnt true. that we would go to jersey and she would still be here and to me it was all the same cause im over here anyway. but yesterday we went food shopping (finally!) and i got some coffee icecream. coffee icecream was her favorite. and im sitting there doing my homework with vito and eating the coffee icecream and i remembered when she used to have vanilla icecream and mix in the coffee to make coffee icecream. and being little we thought it was the coolest thing. and now she will never do that again. i wish i could just bring her some icecream. or just see her or talk to her one last time. i hardly saw her before she got so sick. and now everything is just hitting me and reminding me of it and making me cry. i hate it. i fuckin hate it. and i wish i knew if she really is in a better place or that she is watching over us and not just dead. i wish somehow i would just know. and i wish she knew how much i love her and miss her. and dont say "she knows" cause you dont know that. and it really hurts.
  • Current Mood
    drained drained
Felix- to the left

cause im bored

snagged from ___cut

BASICS- YOUR NAME
1. csilla
2. michelle
3. jara


THREE RANDOM THINGS WITHIN YOUR REACH
1.water
2.cellphone
3.remote


THREE RANDOM THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN
1. love
2. respect
3. aliens


THREE THINGS YOU SMELL
1. something burning
2. air lol
3. my nose is plugged. im sick


THREE BANDS YOU LIKE
1.nine inch nails
2.evanescence
3.coheed and cambria


THREE BANDS NOONE KNOWS YOU LIKE
1. um...rascal flatts lol
2. 3 doors down
3 nickelback


THREE BANDS YOU DON"T LIKE
1.ugh that band with the toxicity song yuck.
2. modest mouse
3. all those other "the this and that" bands


THREE RANDOM THNGS YOU LOVE
1.chocolate
2.vito
3.getting tattooes


THREE PEOPLE YOU LIKE
1.my sista
2.sarah
3.brigid


THREE PEOPLE YOU HATE
1.mary
2.dave
3.katie

THREE PEOPLE YOU WOULD TRUST WITH YOUR LIFE
1.cristina
2.vito
3.um...annie i guess lol


THE LAST THREE PEOPLE WHO CALLED YOU
1.my mom
2.tali
3.dawn


THE LAST THREE THINGS YOU BOUGHT
1.makeupe
2.big sunglasses
3.lots of foooood


THREE THINGS YOU LIVE FOR
1. photography
2. the people i love
3. stargate ;p

THREE THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU
1. being fat
2. my depression
3. fake people


LAST THREE PEOPLE YOU IMED
1. Skyy
2. Sarah
3. brigid

THREE THINGS YOU TOUCH EVERYDAY
1.my hair
2.My phone
3.My computer


THREE THINGS YOU MISS
1. nyc
2. the clubs there
3. havind faith in people

LAST THREE PLACES YOU WENT
1. ub north
2. mobil
3. tops

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1.apple cider
2.vodka red bull
3.redd death ;)
  • Current Music
    that 70's show