November 15th, 2005

Felix- to the left

bleeding you.

im tired of this. im tired of everything actually.
im not depressed. not really.
its more of something tugging at me again. that i could do something better than this. that i can take responsability for more than this.
i dont like what im doing right now and everything feels like its standing still.

i need to learn how to concentrate and memorize things and stop playing myself off to be dumb just cause i dont have confidence or cant accept responsability for my life.
i am way too wrapped up in other people and relationships and that wont get me where i want to be.
i have to focus on the important things. and i hate that im 23 and its killing me now.
but i have to stop dwelling and wishing and dreaming. i need to do something about it.
im tired of the way i am now. im tired of the unmotivatedness of my life and me just accepting it.
i dont want a mediocre life. i want a passionate one. one where i am smart and can do things.
and right now i am so far from there its not even funny.
i need to wake the fuck up.