Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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wow i feel like i have been so dead to the world. that always happens when i dont write in my journal. i dont know why i havent. maybe i just needed a computer break. so lots has been going on, but not really at the same time. i dont really remember much i guess. i know friday we went to the needle exchange. vito finally got some info and tips and shit. and new needles of course. it was so funny, us on the subway like that. i was tired but i went to share it with him. i am all about sharing moments hehe. then we went to wendys and i got a baked potatoe. we went to my parents for diner that night. it was ok. they were a little weird and i dont know why but oh well. we got the rent money and all so atleast we will have computer and electricity for a while hehe. we did some more c that night, and vito actually went out with me to TJ's. thomas was there and vito asked him if he wanted to smoke up after the bar closed and he was like sure. so we drank a little, then when everyone left we smoked. vito and thomas talked for so long about everything. that was pretty cool. thomas is only 23!! i couldnt believe it! i thought he was atleast 27 or 28. he always acts so mature. anyway, so after that we went back home and did more c. and went to bed i guess. we slept most of saturday i think. and sundayi watchd movies all morning, trying to get vito to go out with me for like half an hour. spend time with me on doing something else besides drugs, but he didnt want to. so i dunno, i just took a shower and hung out by myself. that night he got more c, we didnt get food again, and he did whatever and i just snorted one and then we did e, so i thought we could finally hang out but he went to sleep. so i was inceredibly high snuggled up next to him. it was really hard to just be laying there. after a while i decided if i wasnt gonna do anthing for him, he wasnt gonna get up or anthing, plus i was really wanting him. so i started to fool around with him and he woke up and so i guess we finally hung out a little. mostly we just did what he wanted to though which wasnt fair but atleast it was something. then he wanted to talk for like an hour which was nice i guess but i was reall too high. so finally he fooled around with me and we had sex. and then he just wanted to be alone. he said we would go out and explore but he spent the rest of the morning trying to get more money or something, so i just went to sleep.

then i wake up today and he is like goodmorning, cause he is trying to show me that he is nicer when i dont bother he was drawing the redecoration of his room. so i went to eat a mini muffin and a yoohoo and watched him. that was pretty fun cause he was trying to draw kelvin and he kept changing the picture to something else hehe. so then he wanted to lay down and i was still tired so i layed down too. he went out to get money for more c. then he called the guy. then we were supposed to snort and go out cause he promised he would do this one for me and we would finall go out. but then when he got the stuff he said he wanted to be alone and do it himself. i knew once he got started he would just do that, and alone. so i got upset and went back to sleep. this was at like 10. so i wake up at 2 and he is still doing it and completel forgot about me, and now nothing is open anymore. way to go. so he starts arguing with me that if i would have helped him he could have been done with it a long time ago. whatever. now he wont tell me where the measuring cup is so i can make something to eat cause i havent eaten all day, cause i wont help him. real nice caring boyfriend. hes got to stop this shit before it becomes more important than me. and then i wont ever be around to help him. maybe if i tell him that he will be nice and apologetic to me.

sometimes i wonder why i try so fucking hard when nobody else is. its always me this and me that, but nevermind if csilla is upset. then its like world war three. well i have feelings too. not just you.

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