ive been feeling really weak lately. and only when i think of certain things do i gain strength. i dont know if i wanna be thinking of these things. my heart cant take it right now. my heart hasnt been able to take much actually. too many things going on. it makes me just want to be numb.
ive met a lot of people and gone through a lot of thing this past year. there are people im glad i met and people that i wish just passed me by. its hard to differentiate sometimes because you do have memories. no matter what they may be. and im always so damn nostalgic.
there are a couple people in particular who ive been wanting to get closer to. i dont know why i do this. i always end up fucked in the end when i get close. but i feel like these people would never do that. i also feel like i am never gonna feel this way towards girls. why is it always guys? anyway there are two guys id like to hang out with more, seperately, cause i just think it would be good for the soul. i think i came to this realization after a dream i had recently. sometimes dreams just wake you up.
so enough of this crap. time to finally get to bed.