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Operation this-will-most-likely-end-badly is a go!
a really hot geek
how beautiful people are when your watching them walking away 
30th-Aug-2004 01:14 am
i hate how certain things never change. no matter how hard you try. and something inside you never changes. so no matter what i always end up right back here. sad, alone and just feeling so empty. and still hurting myself like i used to 6 years ago.

classes are starting tomorrow. i start on tuesday. i was excited. i guess i still am. i just wish i wasnt so fucking depressed. all i want to do is just be numb and not feel anymore. cause feeling is too much sometimes.

what do you do when you feel like your heart just keeps getting ripped out. over and over and over.
Felix- to the left
30th-Aug-2004 05:26 am (UTC)

im sorry. i know life blows ass. Today on Six Feet Under. it said life is pain, nothing but pain. and its so true.
30th-Aug-2004 06:13 am (UTC)
yeah. that is so true.

whats your icon?
30th-Aug-2004 06:15 am (UTC)
it's Cristina Scabbia of Lacuan Coil
30th-Aug-2004 06:31 am (UTC)
ahhh ok. shes fuckin hot lol
30th-Aug-2004 06:32 am (UTC)
oh god i know!
30th-Aug-2004 06:13 am (UTC)
i'm sorry babe, i still do that to myself sometimes where i end up just punishing myself for things that isnt my fault...or i feel like i need more of a punishment or w/e

i usually try to cry it all out for a day...or i dress up and try to make myself feel good, or i try to draw my anger out...

but the whole rippin heart out over and over n over...i try to change a part of me so that way i cant allow it to happen...

blah i'm soo bad wit advice babe, i hope things get better for you tho
30th-Aug-2004 06:23 pm (UTC)
yeah its funny. i keep putting myself in these positions. youd think id learn by now.
30th-Aug-2004 10:23 am (UTC)
Awh, hun, life can be shitty at times but just try not to get too upset?
Maybe see a counsellor or something?
(I'm not sure what you call them..)
<3 *love*
30th-Aug-2004 06:21 pm (UTC)
yeah i do see one here and there but eventually your just repeating the same things over and over and there is nothing they can say to help. depressio sucks like that.
30th-Aug-2004 01:05 pm (UTC)
What's goin on hun?
30th-Aug-2004 01:36 pm (UTC)
What are you trying to change, darlin'?

Sometimes I think we can be too close to the pain to identify its cause, or we may know what it is, but are too caught up in the pattern to be objective about it.

Dunno quite what to say about the heart getting ripped out, except that if you can identify the patterns of behavior (yours or theirs) that lead to it, you'll at least have a starting point.

Good luck with whatever it is.
30th-Aug-2004 11:18 pm (UTC)
i know how you feel. escpecially with the getting your heart ripped out. it hurts...hurts a lot. but dont let it get the best of you babe.

when i feel down, i usually go out, shop, movies, coffee something. way better than staying indoors and stressing yourself over it ya know?

dont feel alone and dont start hurting yourself again. stopping is a big deal so dont start it again.

if you need 2 talk im here...dont worry or stress 2 much not good... just try 2 smile =)
2nd-Sep-2004 09:11 pm (UTC)
ive been hurting myself for a long time so its not like i started up or anything. its just what i do.

and yeah id love to go out and do stuff. but i dont have a car. or money. so thats kind of tough.

thanks though
31st-Aug-2004 03:15 am (UTC)
"i hate how certain things never change. no matter how hard you try. and something inside you never changes. so no matter what i always end up right back here. sad, alone and just feeling so empty."

i know all too well how you feel. im kinda going through something like that myself right now.. but i try to have hope that things will be better someday and i hope your hoping for the same..

2nd-Sep-2004 09:10 pm (UTC)
yeah i hope so too. good luck with what your dealing with <3
31st-Aug-2004 05:27 pm (UTC)
you simply stop allowing someone to make you feel that way. its harder than i make it sound... but well worth the work you put into it.

2nd-Sep-2004 09:09 pm (UTC)
yeah. way too much harder than it sounds. almost impossible when your sooo in love.
3rd-Sep-2004 07:58 pm (UTC)
heh... :(
*pats you*
5th-Sep-2004 01:34 am (UTC)
hehe yeah.
1st-Sep-2004 01:26 am (UTC)

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