so i guess its been a while since a real post. blah. i just havent really been up to writting down actual events or thoughts i guess.
there isnt that much to write about. everything is basically the same monotonouse thing every single day. tuesday i went to classes and i felt pretty good. it was an ok day. i actually felt confident. probably my new shirt hehe. i talked to annie a little. well more like, we texted eachother. but it was good to hear from her. i miss hanging out in the city. then later ken and i went over to michelles. i was pretty depressed though so it was kind of a blah night.
wed was pretty cool. michelle and i wanted to go to cobalt to meet up with john and evan. so we get there and htere is like no one there. lol. but john was there and looked as beautiful as ever. i love that boy to death. so then we waited for jason to get there and we all headed over to marcellas. it was pretty fuckin crowded there so that was good. i danced a little but mostly just hung out on the patio with the boys. i ran into matt, which was nice. its been ages since we hung out and we had some good conversations. the drag show was good as usual and then i had to deal with a little boi drama...not so much drama as...well, boys being boys. somehow i managed to get sooooo fucking drunk. and then we drove matt and his friends home. i just passed out on my bed and woke up at like 8 and got really sick. i was drunk till like 4pm. it was nuts. man, when other people dont keep track...i just forget. haha yes i am the most responsible drinker. blah. whatever. at this point i dont care.
today sucked. i was supposed to hang out with mike and brigid but by the time it all worked out it was too late for me to go over there cause i wanna get to bed on time tonight. go figure. so ive just been sitting around alone. for days it seems like. im always alone. or being told that i should go do my own thing. cause he wants to be alone. doesnt he always.
and its funny cause i feel so fucking dead inside. and at the same time, so emotional that i dont know what the fuck to do. and so badly i just want to turn all of it off. like just fucking die already. nothing ever changes.