god i am so unhappy right now. iwanna tell myself that i dont know why, but i know that i do and it kills me. im always lonely. when im supposed to have that person i can turn to no matter what, i usually turn to emptyness.

and today something happened that was really small, but to me meant almost everything. like when i get scared of something and it really bothers me to the point where im almost crying, hes always there and hugs me or holds me and today he just looked at me like i was crazy and ignored me. walked away even. and i was like what the fuck? how much more can you just pull away? and yeah it may seems stupid...but its not. its the one small thing. the thing thats lik eoh yeah its still ok. you still care.

i sound like a fuckin 12 year old. i dont care. and i dont need everyone telling me just break up like i havent thought of it before. i know your just trying to help and i love yoiu for it but i need to hear something else right now. i dont know what. i dont know anything anymore.

its probably gonna rain for the rest of the week...