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Operation this-will-most-likely-end-badly is a go!
a really hot geek
snow!! 
9th-Nov-2004 06:36 pm
what the fuck just happened here?


im not even gonna try to go into the details of the last few days. lets just say they were really bad in terms of the relationship. but who knows. its all up in the air right now. but after crying my eyes out ive collected myself, even tried to study for a test and had a decent day. things might work out alright cause they always do. and he would miss me too much. i dont think he wants to pull away from me just yet and thats fine, its just funny cause i feel hesitatio on my part too. like its time to grow up kids cause shit isnt working out like this and something needs to be changed. i want him in my life but it needs to shape up. I think i grow more each time something like this happens though and i guess it will either go on well or end badly. either way im trying to keep it in our hands and not out of control. or maybe im ust fooling myself and he is just being nice cause he doesnt wanna hurt me, but everything he said about moving on and moving out is really whats gonna happen.

all in all im handling it rather well i think. i dont want to doom things just yet.

as for everything else...im pulling away. from the world and the people around me i guess. i just see people and think of talking to them and want to go into sudden shock. like its all too much right now. like talking to them will make things happen. cause i dont wanna talk about it and i dont wanna hear peoples judgements. so im just pretending the world is not there.

you can see how much sense im making.
Felix- to the left
Comments 
10th-Nov-2004 01:14 am (UTC) - ok you are hot.
in all honesty csilla, you are making tons of sense. when having relationship problems its hard...because you love the person and need to vent, but if you vent people will pass judgements on whatever it is that they are being told, and it's not fair when they do that because no one truly knows what the two of you are like together except for you and him. ohhh honey im sorry you're in a rut like this and i hope everything turns out ok either way..im sure it will..and either way change is good, and fomr the way you're talking it sounds like you've got it in perspective.
11th-Nov-2004 05:27 pm (UTC) - Re: ok you are hot.
thanks hun <3
10th-Nov-2004 01:18 am (UTC)
aww.. yucky

I hope everything works out for the best! It's good that you're trying to cope though.
10th-Nov-2004 02:52 am (UTC)
thanks hun <3
10th-Nov-2004 02:11 am (UTC)
<3
10th-Nov-2004 02:56 am (UTC)
you're making more sense than you give yourself credit for.
i hope things work out hun.
<3
11th-Nov-2004 04:46 am (UTC)
thank you <3
10th-Nov-2004 03:56 am (UTC)
I just love you. You are so beautiful.
10th-Nov-2004 05:22 am (UTC)
aww thank you sweetie :)
10th-Nov-2004 06:57 am (UTC)
Pretty :)
10th-Nov-2004 05:41 pm (UTC)
thank you :)
10th-Nov-2004 12:44 pm (UTC) - le sigh
You are making sense.

And I know you don't want my opinion because you already know it, but I think this may be the best thing to possibly happen for you.

Either way, I hope things work out well. Take care of yourself. <3
10th-Nov-2004 05:40 pm (UTC) - Re: le sigh
thanks hun. i know you just care.

you were in my dream last night. we were shopping or something lol. are you at mikes yet?
10th-Nov-2004 07:20 pm (UTC) - Re: le sigh
hahah awesome.

Not yet Jen hasn't moved her shit yet. We got cable hooked up today so I'll be over there hooking my computer and junk up. I think we're moving the bed over this weekend. It's coming along :)
10th-Nov-2004 02:20 pm (UTC)
That makes a lot of sense...sometimes I just feel so weak I cant deal with other people. *hugs* Hope things get better for you <3
10th-Nov-2004 05:38 pm (UTC)
thanks hun
10th-Nov-2004 04:31 pm (UTC)
you are making perfect sense, the only person I talk to about my feeling is Chris but he isn't my solution to my problems. I pushed a lot of my friends out of my life once again only cause I'm a mess. I don't think that made sense hmm guess me and you are more alike than I thought.
10th-Nov-2004 05:36 pm (UTC)
yeah it funny how we do these things to ourselves
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