what the fuck just happened here?
im not even gonna try to go into the details of the last few days. lets just say they were really bad in terms of the relationship. but who knows. its all up in the air right now. but after crying my eyes out ive collected myself, even tried to study for a test and had a decent day. things might work out alright cause they always do. and he would miss me too much. i dont think he wants to pull away from me just yet and thats fine, its just funny cause i feel hesitatio on my part too. like its time to grow up kids cause shit isnt working out like this and something needs to be changed. i want him in my life but it needs to shape up. I think i grow more each time something like this happens though and i guess it will either go on well or end badly. either way im trying to keep it in our hands and not out of control. or maybe im ust fooling myself and he is just being nice cause he doesnt wanna hurt me, but everything he said about moving on and moving out is really whats gonna happen.
all in all im handling it rather well i think. i dont want to doom things just yet.
as for everything else...im pulling away. from the world and the people around me i guess. i just see people and think of talking to them and want to go into sudden shock. like its all too much right now. like talking to them will make things happen. cause i dont wanna talk about it and i dont wanna hear peoples judgements. so im just pretending the world is not there.
you can see how much sense im making.