so i left to go to nyc that tues dec 21st was it? yesh, that morning with vito. the night before we went over to his moms and decorated the tree. that was really fun and nice. i remember when we did that last year and it made me feel so much better. so we just hung out and did that and then i tried to get some sleep while vito looked up stuff on where he was going. so we took our flight at like 6am and got to the city at 7:30. then i waited with him for his connecting flight to fort myers. i was so sad to leave him but i came to terms with the whole thing so it wasnt as bad as i thought it was. no bleeding hearts. so yeah then i went to get my bags cause they had called my name a bunch of times already and my parents were worried about what happened to me lol. so they finally found me and we went home. i dont really remember what we did the rest of that day. but that night we packed up and went to jersey. when we got there it was like we were in a dream. it was so weird not to see my grandma there. so sad and like, unreal. like it never really happened. i just kept telling myself that it couldnt have happened. that there was no way my grandma couldnt be there. i just walked around the house touching her stuff, looking at her handwritting and crying. it was so hard. so then we finally went to bed and the next day we just got up and went to the mall and stuff. i got my dad a present and i found the Stargate SG-1 magaznes. and bought them like the big dork i am. hehe. i also got the really cute skirt i wanted sooo bad. the next day we did the wallmart thing and...ha i dont even remember. we just hung out. oh i think we bought the christmas tree that day. yeah we drove around trying to find one and we got a pretty nice one. we also went to target and i got the cutest picture frame. i also got my stupid hair cut. i actually like it a lot better now.
christmas eve we went to a few stores to look for last minute stuff. my aunt was supposed to come early but she didnt get there yet so we just set up the tree. that was the hardest. we put the ornaments up and everything just reminded me of my grandma. and then my sister put this star up in the window. my grandma always had that up when we got there. she said it would lead us home. i wished she could just be home for just that moment. we couldnt find the star for the top of the tree so we just left it. my mom cooked dinner the whole time. we just cried a lot during that day. we wrapped presents and got ready and then we my aunt and cousin finally got there so we waited till they got ready and then we sat down for dinner. my mom this fish that my grandma always makes and it was so perfect. tasted just like my grandmas so that was really nice. we tried to do our best. then we did our whole praying singing christmas tree thing and then we opened presents. i got some pretty cool stuff. and my new computer. so i think we made out well this year hehe. then we got our stuff together and went to church. i sang so loud so my grandma could hear me, wherever she was. the whole time it was just so hard because of that. i was hoping and wishing she was up there watching us and smiling and ok. but thats not what i believe in my core. and so its been tugging at me non stop. its such a hard thing to go through on top of everything else. but the mass was nice and i didnt cry as much as i thought. i think it was good to be there. i didnt want to leave. me and my sister stayed there for a long time afterwards just talking and thingking about my grandma. when we got home we just hung out and got really drunk with my aunt. like woah. then we decided to go take a walk and we smoked up and wow did we get fucked up. we couldnt even walk without holding on to eachother. like 2 hours later we got home. we thougth we were so lost but we went the short way we always did. we were so fucked up lol. and i thought my toes were gonna fall off from cold.
the next day i felt like such crap but we had to get up early to go to my sisters house in long island. so tylenol and all we got ready and went on our way. we had a good time there. always good food and we watched dodgeball and 50 first dates which was so damn good. i loved it so much. and i really missed vito. he had called me everyday like i asked him to so that was really nice of him. so we hung out there and talked a lot about our self image and stuff like that and then it was getting late so we were on our way home. vito called me when i got to the car and we talked and it was just so nice to hear his voice. he made me feel so much better and i was so happy that he rememberd to call :)
so the next couple days i just hung out and home with my fam. we watched movies (Elf-sooo cute and mean girls finally lol) and stargate and just talked a tried to laugh a lot. i wanted to go out more but it was so damn cold and snowing and blech. so the going out didnt happen as much as i wanted it to but there is always next week ;)
yesterday we decided to go downtown to see the rockafellar tree. it was so gorgeous. it was nice to be there with my family and just sit there and hang out. i took lots of pics. we saw someone proposing on the ice and i got so sentimental lol. i always cry for shit like that. maybe cause i wish i could have it so bad and know that vito would make a face or go ew. ugh boys. anyway we had a really nice night. then we came home and packed and stuff. this morning they drove me to the airport and i got on the 11am flight. i was so nervous vito wasnt gonna get on cause his flight was late but he got there right before they closed the hatch and i was happy. it was so good to see him. we came home and he slept and i got ready to go to his moms. we went there for dinner and the whole fam was there. it was really nice. we talked about various things and it was just so comfortable. im glad that its getting easier to be there and i know vito's mom really likes me now. it was also really good to see kelvin. he was so happy to see us :) so then we exchanged presents. vitos mom really liked the candles i got her and she got me a bunch of cool lotions and shampoos and stuff from bath and body works and a pear scented candle. very cool. so then we just sat around talking, jenn showed up and i really like her so we talked about various stuff for a while. also vito brought his shells that he collected in florida and layed them all out. there were some really great ones there! it was so cool to see the big shells and all the special stuff he collected. so we looked at those and he had his mom, jenn and shirleyann pick some out. then we decided it was time to come home so here i am.