no im not ok

Operation this-will-most-likely-end-badly is a go!

a really hot geek

no im not ok

21st-Jan-2005 05:38 am

you think im just talking. but im not. my best friends apparently dont even see it. im not good right now. im really not good. my head is building up so much static it hurts. and no one seems to really care. no im not writing this so people go "oh i care, i care!" im writting this because i need to. for myself. because it hurts so bad that i can hardly take it anymore. my body cant contain this anymore.

and im really fucking scared. cause i dont know whats gonna happen. and i dont know what i am gonna do. i dont care if its giving up, or copping out. because if you have any idea what this pain feels like, you know that just being here is being brave enough already. im shaking, and hurting, and wanting to just slice all the blood out of me.

everything else just seems so far away.

Mood:depressed
Music:are you alive ~BSG theme

brandinsbabe

Comments

21st-Jan-2005 08:45 am (UTC)

Well you may not know me that well but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here. I know pain all too well. I'am pain. *hugs*

nurse_necro_

21st-Jan-2005 06:48 pm (UTC)

thanks doll <3

brandinsbabe

21st-Jan-2005 11:14 am (UTC)

Hey, I know how that feels, wanting to end it all because it just hurts so damn much. :(

_ele_

21st-Jan-2005 12:13 pm (UTC)

*Hugs*

heartshpdbox

21st-Jan-2005 01:05 pm (UTC)

I know that we barely just met and you don't really know me but I just wanted you to know that if you ever need to talk or anything I'm willing to listen...I'm pretty good at that..

Yahoo = Jtboy77

Email = Jtboy77 @ gmail dot com

If there's anything at all that I can do...I'm there.

jonas77

22nd-Jan-2005 08:53 pm (UTC)

thanks so much. you seem like a really sweet person. i hope i get to know you better through here :)

brandinsbabe

22nd-Jan-2005 09:34 pm (UTC)

not a problem...I hope so too :)

jonas77

21st-Jan-2005 01:58 pm (UTC)

I just saw your post through ladykarrah's friends list.

There is nothing that hurts more than not being seen. Especially when its by the people who are supposed to be your friends. I am in recovery for SI and I know how hard it is to just be here and not give in. I'm sorry you are so scared...Here if you need me....*HUG*

couldnotstop

21st-Jan-2005 06:43 pm (UTC)

thanks. i really appreciate it. my friends try to be supportive i guess. its my boyfriend that is just completely oblivious. thats even harder.

brandinsbabe

22nd-Jan-2005 08:41 am (UTC)

I'm sure it really hurts. But just to be fair to your BF-how much have you told him? Guys generally aren't as intuitive as we are-they often don't see the small details or the small changes. I'm sure he would like to hear how things are going for you, as hard as that might be for you.

couldnotstop

21st-Jan-2005 08:03 pm (UTC)

believe it or not, with as positive as i am now and how happy i seem to be and how great i feel that everything is... i've been there. *hugs* it just takes a lot of bravery and willingness to press on... i know you can.

pochanike

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