Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.
brandinsbabe

  • Mood:

so im really never gonna see you again.

sick, tired, went to class, blah blah blah. things are ok. i dont really feel like getting into a "this is what happened this weekend" post right now. im so tired i can barely stay up to write this. but it needs to be here.

ive been crying a lot the past couple days. i think it finally sunk in that im never going to see my grandma again. that she is really dead. all this time i guess i was just hoping that it wasnt true. that we would go to jersey and she would still be here and to me it was all the same cause im over here anyway. but yesterday we went food shopping (finally!) and i got some coffee icecream. coffee icecream was her favorite. and im sitting there doing my homework with vito and eating the coffee icecream and i remembered when she used to have vanilla icecream and mix in the coffee to make coffee icecream. and being little we thought it was the coolest thing. and now she will never do that again. i wish i could just bring her some icecream. or just see her or talk to her one last time. i hardly saw her before she got so sick. and now everything is just hitting me and reminding me of it and making me cry. i hate it. i fuckin hate it. and i wish i knew if she really is in a better place or that she is watching over us and not just dead. i wish somehow i would just know. and i wish she knew how much i love her and miss her. and dont say "she knows" cause you dont know that. and it really hurts.
Subscribe

  • (no subject)

    Not going to dragon con this year is such a fucking bummer. Mostly for the friends and the hang outs, and just the whole atmosphere of the thing.…

  • lesbians and bisexuals

    I think this is really important, so I'm putting it here for my reference and for others, too. The original video is 'What lesbians think about…

  • (no subject)

    When its one thirty AM and I'm trying to figure out whether to continue my Orphan Black rewatch or start rewatching Terminator: The Sarah Connor…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 10 comments

  • (no subject)

    Not going to dragon con this year is such a fucking bummer. Mostly for the friends and the hang outs, and just the whole atmosphere of the thing.…

  • lesbians and bisexuals

    I think this is really important, so I'm putting it here for my reference and for others, too. The original video is 'What lesbians think about…

  • (no subject)

    When its one thirty AM and I'm trying to figure out whether to continue my Orphan Black rewatch or start rewatching Terminator: The Sarah Connor…