Captain of the Innuendo Squad. (brandinsbabe) wrote,
Captain of the Innuendo Squad.

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I should be doing homework but i cant. i am just really too depressed to do it right now.

I just realized today that I am sad.. I am really truly sad. i thought it went away but it just snuck up on me over a couple of days. I want it to stop but i cant help it. I can feel the madness pouring back into me. I cried three times today because i just hate my life. I try to change it and try to make myself a better person but i just cant do it. I cant pull myself together and its killing me. And the things people say to me, like they dont even notice how much it hurts. or maybe they do but it doesnt matter cause i dont count anyways. i'm just a loser. my friends are shady, i have no future, nothing here for me and i honestly think the world would be better off without me. I am such a waste of space. nothing but a reject who doesnt fit in anywhere and is so very lonely. I feel it in my heart and my throat and in everything in me. I am so lonely. the only times i feel alive is when i hurt myself or get high and i just get lost. I wish i could get lost forever and no one would even notice. and i think i am falling in love. with a person i can never have. that might be the limit. The first time that happened i almost died, literally, and now its gonna happen again. Unless i just dont feel. just hide away forever and forget the world exists.

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